Thursday, May 19, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 32

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

Today I am a little conflicted. I find myself at times hurting, feeling pain as to the current situation I am in, but I have come to a place in my heart regarding certain theological truths I have alluded to in the past. That is the concept of free-will among people, even the free will to do stupid things that hurt others. In that understanding, I am not at the place where I blame God for bad things that happen in life but I am at the place where at times, I hurt.

While I believe in the concept of free-will, I have also seen God work at providing my, needs. It is the emotional struggles where I have problems and could depend more on God. While I have worked at having a great relationship with God, as mentioned yesterday, is often weakened by others. I don’t think they always intend it but I realize, I need to have my time with God and continue to have honest communication with Him where I share when I am upset, don’t understand, or need help moving forward. While I don’t have some material wants in life, I have all of my material needs. I need to recognize and trust God in the same way with my emotional needs.

Sometimes I want God to be what I call the Santa God where I can ask for what I want and get it. I don’t think God appreciates that, and to be honest, I wouldn’t either if that was all I ever did. I also know as a father of 2 grown children, I want my children to communicate to me their totality, despite what they are experiencing. Although grown, I still want to know their needs and bless them. If I want this from my children, maybe I need to get to the place where I realize that God is a more loving father. Just as my children would have nothing to worry about when being honest with me, I need to see God that way, but even better.

God, help me realize the importance of going to you in times of need. You have met my material needs; help me trust You with my emotional needs. Help me realize, You are a more loving father than I. I have many flaws and mistakes, you are perfect.

Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.

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