Monday, May 16, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 29 / 30

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

Today I start Step 4 of the 11 Steps. One of the precepts here understands the reality that God is not responsible for the abuse one endures. This is a concept I dealt with some years ago when going through my own counseling and am glad I did. To understand that God has been there all along, that He has been hurt by those who have abused or hurt me is something that has caused my relationship with God to be what it is. I have developed a strong belief in the concept of free-will, and the reality that people have the right to do stupid things that sometimes hurts others. Others will talk about how God allowed or caused abuse, but I can’t believe in any way that God wants abuse to happen. Turning it around for good is far different than causing the pain of abuse.

Over the years as I have gotten to know God, I have realized He is far different than what many present. I agree with my readings today, the best way to know God is to study the person of Jesus, the Son of God. It is in His behaviors, mannerisms, teachings and His willingness to love and sacrifice Himself for us that we can come to a place of understanding the love of God.

I think God is a loving God who loves beyond understanding. In that love is the willingness to let each of us make decisions, the decisions we make often impacts others but that doesn’t mean the current circumstance we are in is God’s desire or plan.

I also realize there is no way I know all there is to know about God. There is far more I don’t know than there is I do. I know He loves me and desires the best for me. God wants a relationship with me. I pray that I get to know God more, that the void and crevices that exist in life will be filled with a better understanding of God and His love for me. While I have an immeasurable love for God, I understand there is a desire on my part to have more. I don’t desire to know more to impress others or myself, but to better understand the plans God has for me.

Today, I ask God, help me know and love you more and help me be more like your Son.

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