Monday, June 2, 2014
Am I the only one who ever wonders if their life has been worth it? Is this something that only happens to people as they get older? Is that why I think the way I do sometimes? I find myself asking these types of questions in life, unfortunately the older I get, the more I go through this thing called life, the more I ask these questions. Life hasn’t been easy, it has in fact, especially as one who has tried to take seriously their walk with Jesus, at times been extremely difficult, especially that thing called forgiveness and that other thing requiring that we love even your enemies, and then there is that thing called commitment. There has been the stalker crazy dude and I have no other way to describe it as I have over 40 pages of documentation to verify it, from Erwin Tennessee. There have been the broken promises of others who call themselves my spiritual brothers and sisters. Then there are the promises of that organization or group of people who call themselves the church that have yet to see the light of day. In all of this, people confront, even condemn me for the beliefs and experiences I have had, saying I am shooting the wounded, talking bad about others and the stories go on. Even this hurts though, it hurts because I believe that just like the prophets of old there are times those who are followers of Jesus should be held to the standard of discipleship and the church to the standard where she is worthy to be called the Bride of Christ. Then there are those who either because of a mental illness (they are still responsible to take their medications) or who happen to be real life jerks have nothing better to do than to ridicule, lie and tear others down. Yep, let me tell you, life is at times hard and I have lived life in a way that has had me experiencing a whole lot of junk, but you know what, in all I have had to face, in all I have had to deal with, I have never denied Jesus. Early on in my search for God I denied and spoke out openly against God and his Son Jesus the Christ but since actually accepting Christ, I can say in all honesty, I have never looked down on, or at negatively in any way, Jesus. While I am so far from perfect it is unreal, I am doing better the longer I walk with Jesus at not making so many mistakes. One may ask, and likely will, why? The answer is really quite simple; I know my life prior to Christ, shortly thereafter and all along the years. I have seen the faithfulness of God and know that he is real. I have no reservations that God has revealed himself to my wife and I and that we have experienced the goodness and blessings of God over the years together serving him. Last night at our Discipleship study with some 20 something plus homeless persons, (yes they are involved in legitimate, serious discipleship study) there was some discussion as to what it means to follow Jesus. How do we determine right from wrong, what does it mean to ‘practice sin.’ There were some hard questions, questions that are easy to ignore at times, but questions that are deserving of answers. Philip is one who recently made a decision to follow Jesus. He shares that some things are easy to follow Jesus in, there are others that aren’t and according to him there are times that he readily admits, he says ‘F*ck it,’ and does what he wants. Here is the challenge, are we willing to surrender to Christ and the Spirit of God and do the things he desires for us, not just in the presence of others, but when we are alone? Are we willing to get to the point where we will do our best to follow Jesus, even when we don’t want to and no one else is looking? I know from first hand experiences, it isn’t easy, but that is a part of what I think Jesus meant when he said that if we are to be his disciples we have to take up the cross and follow him daily. I honestly don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I may be in the next weeks starting my life all over again, searching for the best way I can to serve Jesus. None of us are guaranteed of tomorrow, I know that, but I also know that as long as I live I want to serve others in need, for when I serve those in need I am serving I believe, Jesus. Many are in need, the hurting, the abused, the homeless, the unemployed, the mentally ill, many, including at times, me and you. It isn’t easy, but I know that. In some ways, it is possible my life gets easier, in others there is the possibility it gets harder, but no matter what course my life takes, I don’t expect that I will quit loving and trying to serve my savior. I only hope that those observing during this time see that, and that maybe, just maybe, for some, it will inspire to also take the walk with the man known as Jesus the Christ a little more seriously, it is after all, worth it.