The Virtual Pew Daily: love

Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Friday, July 23, 2021

You're The One That I Want

In life at times, I am reminded that I need someone to either get me back on track or to get on track. I will admit, I lose my focus at times, I get distracted, in Christianize, (a seemingly foreign language spoken by Christians) I need “Spiritual Redirection.” There have been few in life that have done that for me. I think one reason is it is difficult to trust others due to my experiences, but there have been those few. The two that have done that the most was of course Mary Jane my late wife. God put her in my life at the perfect time I needed her, but I lost her. Three years ago today I was given the notice by the doctor that the future was not good as her pancreatic cancer was terminal without a miracle. Mary Jane, a woman and partner to me was used by God to keep me focused, and in the place where God would have me.

There is another though, another that has come into my life that without her I honestly don’t know what I would do. You see I was ready to give up, not per say to the point of suicide, but certainly to the point of not caring about taking care of myself to the point of just letting myself go and die sooner of natural causes. Sheila Mitchell, my fiancé, is another woman that God has used to inspire me, to make me want to live, to serve Jesus more, but in the process of serving Jesus more, to serve and love others more. There is more than that though, there are the ways she does it.

On social media, Facebook in particular, Sheila and I are quite opposites. I think that is something she will get used to as Facebook has been an outlet for ministry for me and her but in different ways. I truly desire to where possible be a light in dark places, to show love in difficult times, to be real in a world where people just don’t seem to be real anymore. It reminds me of the Rez Band song, Whose Real Anymore? As to me, I can use a lot of words, after all, I am a writer.

Sheila mainly posts memes to be a light to the world whereas I post stuff like this and other things to get people to think. My objective is to post points to ponder or if you will seeds that can cause thought and growth. Now don’t get me wrong, there is an intent in what I do although I don’t always respond to comments, as I believe in and of itself can be educational. But Sheila, she in a way, does the same thing, but in a much different way. In her way, just as today, by the posting of memes that she has shared has caused me to ponder and contemplate the reality of God, the purpose of relationship I and others are to have with God. I know, if Sheila can help keep me in tune with the Holy Spirit, it must have the same effect and impact on others. Yes, Sheila is indeed, a woman of God, but, also, being used by God not just in my life, but in a loving, kind, caring way, the life of others. It is the purpose God has called us all to.

I find it amazing, that God would give me two incredible women to keep me on focus in my relationship with Christ. Frankly, I am such a screw up that I don’t deserve the goodness and people God has sent my way, but I sure am grateful He has.

Do you have those in your life that keeps you spiritually in tune with the world around you, with God, or with a higher spiritual purpose in life? I’m not talking about things, beliefs, or “righteous behavior,” I’m speaking specifically about things that help you identify with the world around you, your God, (of course I believe there is only one true God) to cause you to ponder the reality around you and to help you be a better person. Someone you can look up to and admire? Do you have that person be it a spouse, friend, lover whoever?

Let me say, from personal experience, I know how hard it is to trust, I also know how hard it is to go through the decisions and process of life alone. I don’t believe God is a respecter of persons. I don’t think He would give me two wonderful helpers, (that by the way I asked for) for any reason other than I asked and God wants the best for me. I know that people say sometimes they have the best, most perfect lover, helper ever in life. I believe that God can send us the desires of our heart and the person that is best for us. In a season of life, Mary Jane was the best for me, but in this season of life, in my mind, there is no doubt that Sheila is the best for me because of what she is doing for me. She is reminding me of my first love, not her, not Mary Jane, but Jesus. While I go through struggles, tough times, not knowing how I am going to make it financially or even from a health perspective sometimes, for this season of my life, I know that God is using Sheila as one to keep me focus on the most important thing in my life. For that I love her more, but I also realize, her love, causes me to love God more.

My prayer for you, may you find that love that completes you. I ask continued prayers for Sheila and me as we transition from our singleness to the point of becoming one in marriage. God is moving us in that way, and we are on the path, may we get to the start of our journey as one sooner than later and walk that path until completion of this life together. May God also provide you that spiritual helper, be it friend, a rekindled relationship with your lover, or whomever. In all things, remember, God does want the best for you and has a plan for you.

If willing to help, it is greatly appreciated. I ask you, do not write checks or make contributions to me. All contributions should be made either to The Virtual Pew or Mosaic. The Virtual Pew is a Religious Organization and Mosaic is a 501-C3 nonprofit.

If willing to help this ministry continue you can donate online at the following.

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Or you can send a check to The Virtual Pew or Mosaic at the following address.
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Wichita Kansas, 67214

If desiring more information about this ministry or the testimonials from others, please don’t hesitate to ask. I really am dependent on others to support this missional ministry to keep it going. I have nothing left to give as I’ve depleted, and I’m not complaining, my savings and retirement accounts, now, it really is dependent on you to allow yourself to be used by God to help us out.

I am more than willing to share at your church, business and so forth. I have shared across America as to the work God has done and done for me. I love those opportunities.

Blessings and thank you,

Mike Furches

Just as a side bar, in last 3 days, I among numerous other areas I have assisted another church in ministry to those on the fringes as to best methods and how to do it. A person seeking help for a person threatening suicide, and council to another individual regarding theological issues regarding the church they are going to. I’ve also had the ministry I do reaffirmed by others, but reaffirmations while great and very much appreciated, doesn’t pay the bills. Again, the ministry work continues thanks to the help of others and the sacrifices I have made and my late wife before me.

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There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives on The Virtual Pew and Mike Furches Reviews. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone Kid at mike@furches.org You can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Last Impressions

I have been trying to catch up on one of my favorite television shows, America’s Got Talent, (AGT). I saw an episode this morning that got me to thinking. A performer was singing, and he shared about his last words with his wife, and her last words to him. She was killed in the same helicopter crash that killed Koby Bryant. The words shared between the two before she was killed, was, “I love you.”

I have lived a life, as has many that hungers and thirsts to be loved. Unfortunately, it seems that for many in this world, it seems to be okay to exhibit hate, to display superiority, to let others know, we are better than you. The last thing it seems we do is to tell or show others, they are loved.

I have had reminders of this way too much lately. From Bible studies, to just scrolling through on Facebook, there are reminders all around. Is it any wonder that the suicide rate is drastically up in the United States? We live in a world that seems to have forgotten the importance of telling and showing others love. God help us.

What will be the last words others will remember you for, or you will remember others? Truth is, none of us are guaranteed of tomorrow, another truth is, that this world is so depressing, that for many, there is no desire to go on and so they end it. While we like to blame them, say things like, “I told them I loved them,” or things like, “I never knew,” or any other myriad of things, do we practice the two things we need to display via words and actions that we love?

Today, I’m heartbroken because of the reminder of the lack of love in our world. Frankly, it may be a reason I get depressed in a time of life I should constantly be in joy. I don’t know, the negativity has an impact, yet I try to survive, focus on the positive, but it isn’t easy. If it’s that way for me, I know it’s that way for others. Unfortunately, I don’t know if society cares anymore. I wish that weren’t so, but it is what it is. The studies, the statistics, and the reality is proof that this is a problem with epidemic proportions. What can we do to change this problem? We can start with us, and for me, that means, telling you, I love you.

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Thursday, July 15, 2021

Why Can't We Be Friends

All through the Bible we see the concept of friendship presented. Even in today’s world, the concept of friend has been popularized by such things as having “friends” at Facebook. Unfortunately, that word friend because of things like Facebook has in my opinion been bastardized. That is, it has strayed so far from it’s original meaning that it essentially has lost its meaning.

Using the Biblical definition, what is a friend? From the Bible Dictionary we have the following: “In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components: association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning: friendship as association only; friendship as association plus loyalty; and friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.”

With the above definition I can’t help but wonder, have we and people lost the meaning of things like loyalty and affection? It seems to me as if the word friend is just a word for someone we know, better fitting with the concept of an associate or acquaintance, but certainly, not someone we are loyal and/or are faithful to.

Some know I share my emotions on my sleeves, or tattooed arms if you will. I am not afraid to share my feelings and emotions with others. It is one of the things that makes me unique I guess, it is a way of me dealing with life as well as an understanding that sometimes it is a way to help others deal with the same thoughts, they may have that I either am, or have experienced. So here goes.

At this point in my life, I have had very few real friends. A lot of acquaintances but few friends. Obviously, my late wife was more than a lover, she was a friend. Then, with a real blessing of God. I now have someone I can talk to about anything like no one I have ever been able to talk to. I don’t mean this as a slam in any way on anyone, but at this point, I can talk to my fiancé Sheila about things like I have never been able to talk to another about except for the Lord. That, my “friends,” is a real and true friendship. I have a question though, what if we could experience that level of friendship and love for each other, as I do believe that love does exist in a brotherly and sisterly way with real friends? How much easier would it be to deal with life’s issues, it’s difficulties?

I have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a horrible condition. If you don’t know what it is I encourage you to look it up. It can be debilitating and is often influenced by triggers or events that bring back memories. I recently went through a bout of depression because of some triggers that are and have been going on. I needed friends, friendship, the feeling of love that only friends can bring about. I prayed, I asked others to pray for me, and thankfully they did and even more thankfully, God heard those prayers.

In short, God answered those prayers by allowing me to spend time with an old friend from Tennessee who was taking his new bride to be back to Tennessee from Washington State. That day, reflecting on old times, just hearing the voice and dialect of “home”, (I am originally from Upper East Tennessee but haven’t lived there in over 40 years) was so healing. To talk about old memories, good times, hard times, it was healing. But there was a kicker that God also provided. Besides my best friend Jesus, God provided me time with my best earthly friend, the person I have come to love with my all, by far the person I can talk to like no other on this earth, God provided me time with my Sheila.

Sheila works a tough schedule, often with mixed hours and long hours that prevents us from spending the time together that I am so hungry and thirsty for. So, I’ve learned to cherish those times together, even if just for moments. While we talk online when we can, it just isn’t like being there, to caress her arm, or to experience a passionate kiss, and then, to also just talk. To talk about things that are important, to talk about things we can’t talk to any other about. To know that the person is listening, and that they care. That is what real friends do. With Sheila and I/we experience all facets of love, a Godly Love, a Brotherly Sister Love, and beyond that an Erotic Passionate love meant for a married couple. That is the ultimate friend but unfortunately, we can’t all meet, nor should we, all those facets of friendship. I do believe that the last one mentioned, Erotic or Eros Love is intended for two people God has brought together to partner in life and to essentially as the Bible states, to go to the place where the two become one. The question is, how do we get to the place where we can be real friends with others in the appropriate ways we can? We all know, we need real friendship, but it is unfortunately lacking.

I don’t have all the answers but the thing I do know is we have to be careful. One reason it is so hard to develop real friendships is because of issues related to trust. We all fail here, let that be clear, but it is something we must work at. It isn’t an issue of if we can be trustworthy, it becomes an issue of will we be trustworthy and then, be willing to perfect that character trait. Then and only then, do I think we can trust enough to be willing to be open and share in the important things of life, be it emotions or experiences with others. It’s not easy, I know. I am often asked to trust people. My general response is that I’ve learned to only trust myself and God and half of the time I don’t trust myself. Believe me, I know, it isn’t easy, but I know, it’s necessary. For me, let me make something clear, I can for example speak to Sheila like no other, my truest friend because she opened up to me about herself. She took the first step which enabled me to trust her more. It is because she was willing to take that step, that my life is so much better because now, well, now I have someone I can talk to about anything. Of course, the Lord is and has always been there, but there is definitely something about us as human beings carrying out that concept of love, trust, that the Lord expects us to have in Him.

Here is my challenge today, work at being a friend, not an acquaintance, not just a social media friend, but a real friend. Here is the crazy thing about it, when we work on this, not only does it improve our life, but it also improves the life of the one we have chosen to be friends with. So, in that regard, I challenge, work to make life better not just for you, but those friends, even if they be few that surround you and share in life with you.

For some reason, it seems like this song is appropriate, after all, I wonder, Why Can't We Be Friends.

WAR - Why Can't We Be Friends? W/ Lyrics - YouTube

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Thursday, June 24, 2021

Love and a New Partner in Life

Where do I even start?

Well I guess the best place to start is with my family, especially Nathan and Marathana who have blessed me in my efforts and where I am at in this point of life including the decision that has been made. Understand, this isn’t an explanation, it isn’t an apology, it isn’t an attempt to make me feel justified. For those who have followed me over the years, you know I share openly on my social media pages which I’ve been doing shortly since the start of social media way back in the early days of Myspace. Social Media is an extension of ministry work I do it for a couple of reasons, One, it is my nature is to share, journal if you will my thoughts and feelings. It has helped me recover from my past which was horrific in many ways, yet, looking back on life it was a blessing in other ways. I also share because I hear daily of how this ministry has helped many and inspired others.

I fell in love in my late teens with the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I knew her for some 43/44 years, and was her partner for 42 years, a little more than 41 of those we were married. For all but maybe 6 – 7 months of those years we were very happily married.

The remaining years of our life were FANTASTIC as we traveled the country and worked on her Bucket List of things to do and see. I will forever love Mary Jane and am learning in life that one love does not negate the possibility of another when you have lost your spouse..

Sheila Tracy Mitchell has become a new love and a love in a way I never thought I would experience again. Our relationship isn’t like the one I had with Mary Jane in many ways, but in many ways it is. I don’t even know how to explain it, other than there is a massive amount of friendship, fun, serious discussions, times of worship together, love, and romance, (and we are trying to follow God’s plan in that last part). I feel like a teenager again, in love but being older knowing the difference between real love and infatuation, but hey, let’s back up just a little.

I didn’t think I would ever marry again. Mary Jane always said I would, I said she was crazy. I really didn’t believe I would and wasn’t planning on it in any way. We did talk that I may like to find someone to hang around with, talk to and so forth, but I could do that with guys. Well, that’s what I thought.

Looking back on life, I realize I need to not only love but for me, more importantly feel loved. The last year and a half of Mary Jane’s life and my time after her death were horrible and it took 6 months to begin to make some terrible mistakes.

I was lonely and there were several women contacting me on social media, a lot, with a lot of hints and advances. I dated some, and please understand, the mistakes made were my mistakes, I take full responsibility, thankfully I had a couple of friends who called me out. I broke off those relationships. I realized after speaking to some friends, that as a guy, I could give, and give, and love and love, but that didn’t mean I was going to be loved in return.

Now before I go to far I must also say this, I did date one lady who was a wonderful, dear Christian friend and has been for years. I must say this because this friend is still a friend and I am grateful for that, but the truth is, there just was not a romantic sparkle. She is a sweet, dear lady, and I am confident will be, and has been supportive in many ways of my new relationship, but, let's get back to the story here.

I had a list of 3 people, where I thought there was no way they would ever go out with me. I’ve always set my standards high and these ladies were you might say way above my class. I figured, why not ask the one at the top of my list whom I had admired and respected for her personality and faith for some years. I’ve always been one to shoot for the moon and stars.

Sheila Tracy Mitchell was at the top of my list, so after thinking there was no way she would say yes, I decided to ask her out for a movie and dinner anyway. She would have to give her own response as to why she said yes. She is a lot more private than I, but when she said yes, I did a little joy and happy dance, literally, not making that up. So we went out to dinner and a movie. Since that date almost 4 months ago now, we haven’t been hardly apart, seeing each other 3 – 4 days a week, and me really enjoying our time together, be it, walking and talking, going to the movies, or our regular routine, something I’ve never done before, going dancing most every Saturday Night.

Shelia works various shifts as a home health care worker, so we search for time together. Let me tell you, the puppy love feeling has moved far beyond that to a point of real love, a love I believe is a lasting love.

Now the most noticeable thing that people notice about us when they see us is we are a mixed race couple. For those that have known me and/or my family over the years, that was never an issue, having a black son is an indication of that.

None of this means that ever single person has been supportive of our relationship for various reasons. On the point of race, understand, I had a former friend who stated he had an issue and made a jest comment. I will say here, notice I said former friend. It is a blessing to see how many people have supported our relationship and made comment on how beautiful we are together, or how much they enjoy watching us together, and on and on. Let me be clear, I absolutely, with all of my heart have placed Sheila to the #2 point in my life. Jesus is #1, Sheila has become above all others, including myself. I know love, I lived a life despite one serious mistake, showed others how much I can love. I LOVE SHEILA TRACY MITCHELL!

Sheila and I went Facebook Official some weeks after we had made a commitment to each other to be exclusive with each other. We realized early on of the beautiful thing God had done in putting us together. There is more now, as of this writing, for now going on 3 weeks, we’ve held out on an announcement.

I had planned on asking Sheila to marry me at Jerry’s Bar and Grill, a place we go dancing, but at a concert on the Thursday before a situation arose that I realized I needed to jumpstart the proposal, I wanted Sheila to know that I loved her, would commit to her and be there for her in every way, so it was at Bradley Fair I asked, and she accepted to marry me.

Now there will be critics regarding the time of our relationship among other things. I would typically agree, 4 months is a quick period of time to make such a decision, but we have seen each other in that time more than anyone I’ve ever dated, including any 4 months prior to marriage with Mary Jane, and there is no doubt in my heart that this is right.

For the last couple of months, I’ve had 3 men that I’ve shared several things with to help hold me accountable. I’ve discussed several things with them in the process and sought wisdom; that will continue. Sheila and I also realize that an engagement is a period of time where we plan on getting married, but we still advance our relationship with each other. For this reason we have looked at the possibility of a February wedding but that is up in the air. It could be sooner, it could be later, (I pray sooner than later.) The bottom line is we are praying about not just our timing, but God’s time.

Sheila has been wearing her ring and I made the effort to contact family early on, some contacted me, some did not so for some family, and a lot of friends this will be the first time you have heard this news.

On June 22 Hollywood Jesus ran a story about this and how our love came to be, thetime we’ve known each other and the role Hollywood Jesus more or less played inus getting to know each other over the years.

I would have never imagined, the joy Sheila has brought into my life after such a long difficult period of time. I am smiling, laughing, and even dancing again. I would have never thought this was possible and am excited about the hope of the rest of my life with Sheila.

The Song, Love Song for Number 2 by friends Mickey and Becky Moore follows, just click on the link.

Mickey and Becki Moore - Love Song for Number Two - YouTube

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Monday, July 6, 2015

Death, Dying, Serving

You evil person, how can you say you promote the Kingdom of God? What has your ministry really done to help someone? Why does your ministry ask for money? These three are but three of many questions I am often asked but yesterday was another example of how effective this ministry is. I must first state emphatically, the ministries I am part of, The Virtual Pew and Mosaic Wichita are not my ministries, they are ministries God has called me to and ministries that are His, not mine. They are ministries I have been blessed to see fruit from, not always the kind you hear about on television but the kind that if you step back, think about; you will realize it is a ministry that is different and is in fact, making a difference.

This last weekend I commented on social media about how lonely it is being in ministry. I have never lived close to my family, other than my immediate family since my mid-teen years for any extended period of time. There have been moments, but in the course of years, only that, moments. It is easy to get to the place where you experience the pain of loneliness but how about the pain of loneliness that comes from one who is literally in their last months of life?

For me, at times, it is very hard to distinguish the differences between the work of Mosaic and the work of The Virtual Pew. Both have as a purpose to reach out to and serve those who are hurting. One brings in some level of support for Mosaic, the missional church ministry, the other, The Virtual Pew, in many ways serves others in various forms of hurt with an evangelical twist but it also brings in some money for Mosaic. Of course you need to understand, neither brings in enough to operate a full-time ministry but the ministry is effective.

One of the things we have done at Mosaic is to follow the Biblical expectation that we care for our neighbors, especially the orphans and widows, the poor and needy. We do many things including we mow and take care of the lawns for two individuals across the street, living in different homes, one an elderly lady and the other a elderly man who has for the last year been seriously decreasing in health. We have made it clear to both, we want nothing in return, we just want to serve them. We also take them food and offer other helps. The little lady has another gentlemen in the community who is helping her out, the elderly man we have noticed has no one.

The man, Gene was given 3 - 6 months to live a year ago. He has lasted the year but has declined so much that he now realizes he is in his last months. I along with my wife meet with him again today to discuss a request from him. He wants to move in with us here at Mosaic so that he doesn't have to die alone. Think about that, he doesn't want to die alone in a nursing home and appreciates what we have been doing for him over the last months that he is asking to move in with us, so he can be around people who have shown him compassion before he dies and doesn't have to die alone. Stop for a bit before reading on to think about this.

Gene has no family outside of some nieces and nephews whom he has no idea where they live. If he were to move in, for us at Mosaic, it would require a great deal of sacrifice for all of us. He would have to stay in an upstairs room, not able to get around much, require nursing care that comes into the house and for those that live here, during the times Mary Jane and I are away, extra effort on the other residents part to help out. It means all of us spending more time upstairs with Gene during his last days on earth. It means at some point, having to help clean him if he can't get to the bathroom, helping sponge bathe him because he is too week to get into a shower or into a tub. It means taking meals upstairs, it means befriending someone even more so to be with them as they die. Those are not easy things, for family who has done this with others you know of the wear and the tear, for others, you can only imagine doing that for someone who isn't a regular part of your life. Could it be a challenge? How could it help but be anything else?

Many ask as to why to support Mosaic or The Virtual Pew, it is really quite simple, what we are talking about will cost more money which we don't have, it will take more time which is hard to come by but it will be showing love to someone who frankly, needs love and has no one else that is willing to give it, not a big church, not a big ministry, not even a wealthy individual, it has in fact, fallen on us to make the sacrifice of offering love which on paper, financially and from a time commitment is hard to imagine being done. Others will come up with their solutions which would likely include him dying alone, not feeling loved, wherever that may be. That solution is not acceptable to us. It wasn't acceptable because our residents have taken the time to serve this man, to get to know him and thankfully, get to the place where we don't want to see him die alone.

Does all of this mean we are taking him in right away? To be honest no it doesn't mean that, but we are meeting with him today, will meet with hospice care this week to also speak with them about how and if we can make this happen. I don't know the answer right now but will say, there is a better than 50% chance that we will be having him move in with us very soon, so he doesn't have to die alone. Let me ask a simple question, what are you willing to do to help, if not with this man, but someone who lives near you, someone you know? Can you think of someone who doesn't want to die alone? Would you be willing to bring them in to sacrifice to show them the love that God expects all of his children to show others?

This isn't written to make Mosaic or The Virtual Pew to look good, it isn't written to make you feel guilty, it is written so that those of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus will think more about the role and impact we can have on the hurting around us. Will we act like Jesus and show love to those who are hurting, those who struggle, those who need a companion and a friend named Jesus. Will we be willing to be the mirroring example of the love Christ has for them by loving them as Jesus loves them? What you do with it will be entirely up to you, but I challenge, do something.

I love this song a great deal, to watch and listen just click on the video, otherwise if problems, click on the following link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0

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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Best Slide Guitar Player I Ever Knew: A Suicide Story

Stan Hamm was one of the best guitar players I ever knew. He was without a doubt the best acoustic slide player I ever knew. After working for a number of years in the music business and hearing some of the great guitar players of my time it takes a lot to impress me. Stan impressed me, and the memory of seeing him play, still has a lasting impression.

Stan was tall, over six feet with dirty blonde hair. He was slim with decent muscle tone due to the years spent on his family’s farm and all of the carpentry work he had done. He had the tendency to wear a beard for a month or so and then change his look in some way, either by shaving, changing his hair style, something. He wasn’t overly handsome but he was far from ugly. He could have had many more girlfriends than he did, but he was complicated with a lot of deep thoughts and concerns he wasn’t afraid of discussing.

I first met Stan while attending Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. Hillsboro is a small town and Tabor is a small Mennonite Brethren college. When I first met him I didn’t know he was a musician. We were involved in some classes together and I found out that he enjoyed some of the same Christian artists I did. The one that brought us together was Larry Norman. I enjoyed how Larry Norman used Rock ‘N’ Roll to address social issues and Stan was of the same opinion. It didn’t take long before Stan showed up at my house one evening with guitar in hand.

At that time I was a frustrated musician who had not taken the time or made the effort to learn to play my bass guitar in an appropriate way. I dabbled with a harmonica and tried to sing but really wasn’t that good. I’ll never forget the first time I heard Stan play. I was amazed at how fast his fingers were and how good his music felt. When he brought out that old glass pop bottle neck and started playing slide guitar I was blown away. I had never heard anything like it. He could play everything from classic blues to gospel renditions which he often did at church. His slide version of Amazing Grace is still one of the best renditions I have ever heard. His fingering with both his left and right hand were so effortless, yet the music was without mistake and nothing short of incredible. On some of the things he would sing, and he wasn’t all that bad vocally either.

One of the things I always appreciated in my friends was their honesty and Stan was one of the most honest people I have ever known. I’ll never forget sitting out in the garage one evening, Stan playing guitar and me trying to play harmonica and sing some of those Larry Norman songs. It wasn’t long before Stan told me, "I don’t really think you should sing. It’s not that you can’t sing but you can’t sing the style we are playing." While those comments hurt a little I appreciated him for his honesty. His honesty also caused me to take my singing and playing more seriously. Through the brutality of his honesty I was challenged to be a better singer and a much better musician. I realized that Stan was good for me and would help me not only become a better musician, but a better person.

Over the years Stan and my family became close. For a year and a half we lived in separate attached apartments. We kept the doors between the apartments open and had a common room together that we called our family room. We lived in a community with other close Christian friends but while those families shared their own apartment space Stan and my family took it a step further. The television and our reading materials were in the family room. Our daughter was only 3 or 4 at the time and Stan would watch her as we went to the store or ran other errands. We looked after his things when he wanted us to. We shared most all possessions because we were like family. We even shared a meal together each evening. What was ours was his, and what was his was ours.

Over the years Stan became involved in the jail ministry I organized in college. He was among the first to care and respond to the people we tried to help and was there each week. There were four of us that were regulars in this ministry and we drew close over the four years we worked together. Stan was also involved at church, with student prayer groups on campus, and Bible studies. As far as I was concerned, he had it all together and we had a love for each other that was hard to describe.

Stan and I shared a number of heartaches together. We both had difficulties with our families and there were times we shared those heartaches with each other. He was having some troubles with his folks and their newfound "Charismatic" faith. I on the other hand had difficulty with my family who were all strict Republicans and very conservative. One Christmas Stan went home with me to Tennessee. That particular Christmas was unusual in Tennessee because the temperature was in the 70’s and the mountains were beautiful. We took a 4 mile hike up into the mountains to one of the beautiful waterfalls in the National Forest surrounding Erwin Tennessee. We found some popular tree leaves to cover ourselves with after we decided to strip down and get into the pools surrounding the waterfalls and take some photos.

Later that day we went home and spent time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It wasn’t unusual that when we got together my family would get into some deep philosophical or political argument, this time was no different. While I was so hurt that I was ready to leave and drive back to Kansas, Stan was among the first to be at my side, telling me that my family was worth more than any political view. It was important to make up and see to it that we didn’t have this type of separation, especially at Christmas. It was times like this that I knew Stan was a dear friend. I was there for him when he needed me and he was there for me when I needed him.

Some years later I ended up graduating from college and Stan and I went our separate ways. He spent time in Hillsboro, Oklahoma and Colorado and I was in South Carolina. It was almost 3 years later before I saw him again. My wife, daughter and I were visiting Hillsboro Kansas during Easter. While there we had decided to spend as much time with Stan as possible. I could see at the time that Stan was having some difficulties. He was focused more on the problems around him and didn’t seem happy. He was disillusioned with the church and the Christians around him. He was tired of seeing them talk about love while never showing love. I had not seen Stan like this before, at least not to this extent. We spent a good deal of time together and before I departed to go back to South Carolina I told him that if he ever needed anything to give me a call.

I had been back in South Carolina for almost a year when I received a phone call late one night. It was Stan on the other end of the line and he had awakened my wife and me. I was surprised to hear from him but was pleased. I quickly sat up in the bed and told my wife who it was on the other end. We had not been talking long when Stan began to ask questions about South Carolina. He wanted to know what the people were like, how hard was it to find a job and things of this nature. He than asked if I would be willing to let him move in with us if he moved there. My wife, Mary Jane and I were surprised because we still maintained a close relationship with him and considered him a part of our family. He would always be welcome, he should know that. He told us of his frustrations of living in a small town and living around “supposed Christians." The conversation lasted for close to an hour and I didn’t get much sleep that night due to the excitement of the conversation and the opportunity to talk to my old friend Stan. To be honest I was hoping that he would be moving in rather soon.

My wife was a little less optimistic after much of the discussion of the opportunity of Stan moving in with us in South Carolina. She had remembered his wonderful habit of eating raw garlic. She used to tell him that she could smell him coming up the stairs of the apartment before she heard him. Stan had also been experiencing some problems we were not to aware of and she felt it would be a good idea to find out what was going on in his life before having him move in. While there were several discussions between my wife and me, they were mute, Stan was welcome and we hoped to hear from him soon. Despite my effort to contact Stan over the next several months I was unable to do so. He was moving from one place to another and not many people knew where he was at or how to reach him.

A few months later I accepted a job in Hendersonville, North Carolina. It was only 35 miles from where we lived in Greenville, South Carolina but we moved none the less. I took the job as the Director of a Rehabilitation program in for mentally ill adults. We decided to go ahead and move despite it still being within commuting distance. Things were going great when I received a letter one day from an old friend back in Kansas.

My college had written a brief paragraph in its alumni newsletter regarding my new job. One of the mutual friends I had with Stan wrote me a letter. It was a surprise when I got the letter and I was excited. It started off in the traditional tone, "Hey Mike, it’s Mark here in Kansas. I recently read about you working in Mental Health and I am doing the same thing type of thing here in Newton, Kansas." There was more small talk, which was exciting to me, but then, the shocker, "By the way don’t know if you know or not, but do you know that Stan is dead?"

To say the least my emotions went from the high of hearing from an old friend to instant shock. I’ll never forget my wife who was with me that day at work. She could tell something was wrong from my silence and expression. "What’s wrong Mike?" she asked.

"Stan’s dead" was all I could say.

That evening I called Mark. I needed to know the details. It is hard to explain, that is to know the details, but I couldn’t control the urge. Mark was convinced that Stan was Bipolar and that he had difficulty with all of the things going on. Stan was in Colorado when he had killed himself and was by all evidence, alone. I couldn’t then and still have a hard time accepting that Stan is dead. I often wonder, dream and think about the possibility that maybe he really isn’t dead. I have had to come to accept over the years that he is dead and a dear friend is no longer around.

I have had many regrets, questions and thoughts over the years, "Is there anything I could have done?" "Why didn’t I see something after we had the phone conversation several months earlier?" Why did others put so much pressure on Stan?" "Dear God what a waste of a wonderful life." I thought these things and more but I finally realized that Stan was responsible for his actions. Did he think about the hurt he would create from his actions? I don’t think so if he would have he wouldn’t have killed himself. I have also thought about what was he thinking and going through.

The more I have thought and prayed about it the more I am convinced that the terrible disease of Mental Illness must be treated and understood. I have come to the conclusion that the church is to blame to a small extent for not fully understanding and addressing the needs of the mentally ill. Much of Stan’s confusion and hurt was the result of religious confusion. Many may say this is why you shouldn’t mix religion with the treatment of mental illness. After working in the field for some years I couldn’t disagree more. I am absolutely confident; this is why you must address religious thoughts, convictions, and delusions in the treatment of this disease. To refuse to do so will only allow the confusion to remain in the life of the person struggling.

It has been a number of years now since Stan left us. I still have the pictures we took on the mountain on that Christmas day when he provided me encouragement. I have the Testament our family gave him one Christmas when we lived together in Kansas. I have the recorded music he wrote and played. I listen to it often, still amazed at the ability of this individual who lost hope. This friend who was the best slide guitar player I ever heard play. I wish I could tell Stan one more time that I loved him. I wish I could be there to cry with him, but I can’t. I can only hope that others that need to hear this message will read it, and ultimately, respond to those they love.

The following video addresses the issue of suicide, just click on the video to view. If the video doesn't appear, click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7IK711hF9c

Here is another video from old friend Rick Cua, former bass player for the Outlaws, Don't Say Suicide:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9wNDNQYwKM

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