Showing posts with label mental illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental illness. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Last Impressions


I have been trying to catch up on one of my favorite television shows, America’s Got Talent, (AGT).  I saw an episode this morning that got me to thinking. A performer was singing, and he shared about his last words with his wife, and her last words to him. She was killed in the same helicopter crash that killed Koby Bryant. The words shared between the two before she was killed, was, “I love you.”

 

I have lived a life, as has many that hungers and thirsts to be loved. Unfortunately, it seems that for many in this world, it seems to be okay to exhibit hate, to display superiority, to let others know, we are better than you. The last thing it seems we do is to tell or show others, they are loved.

 

I have had reminders of this way too much lately. From Bible studies, to just scrolling through on Facebook, there are reminders all around. Is it any wonder that the suicide rate is drastically up in the United States?  We live in a world that seems to have forgotten the importance of telling and showing others love. God help us.

 

What will be the last words others will remember you for, or you will remember others?  Truth is, none of us are guaranteed of tomorrow, another truth is, that this world is so depressing, that for many, there is no desire to go on and so they end it. While we like to blame them, say things like, “I told them I loved them,” or things like, “I never knew,” or any other myriad of things, do we practice the two things we need to display via words and actions that we love? 

 

Today, I’m heartbroken because of the reminder of the lack of love in our world. Frankly, it may be a reason I get depressed in a time of life I should constantly be in joy.  I don’t know, the negativity has an impact, yet I try to survive, focus on the positive, but it isn’t easy. If it’s that way for me, I know it’s that way for others. Unfortunately, I don’t know if society cares anymore. I wish that weren’t so, but it is what it is.  The studies, the statistics, and the reality is proof that this is a problem with epidemic proportions.  What can we do to change this problem?  We can start with us, and for me, that means, telling you, I love you.


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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Real Help for The Homeless and our Call To Real Help

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I have worked with helping others find solutions to their needs for over 40 years now, starting as a young man, I worked with my uncle who was severely injured while in the Army. As a result of my uncle's injury, (BTW I lived most of the time with my grandparents who cared for him) which consisted of blindness, traumatic brain injury and later on the development of schizo-affective disorder, I was able to work with him to  learn simple basic things which made it easier on others and him that few at the time thought possible. I also worked professionally with the homeless, including those with mental illness in areas of rehabilitation as an Executive Director and Consultant for over 15 years and a total now of over 30 years in all capacities. It is a subject I know something about. The bottom line, I want to communicate to you that in my experiences, I have not just worked with the homeless but especially the homeless many think there is little hope for. I think there is hope, a solution to the issue of homelessness and poverty in America and ultimately around the world but I can only speak of my experiences and observations in America which include all sectors of America, from the South to the North East, the Southwest to the Plains and from the West Coast to the Northwest. I believe the universal solution to help all  people is the same. What I am going to say will shock some, make some angry and maybe, just maybe open the eyes of others.

www.thevirtualpew.comHere is an unfortunate truth, dollars upon dollars have been thrown at the issue of homelessness. This
has not resolved the problem. Unfortunately, more private and public dollars than ever are being thrown at the issue of poverty and homelessness and little if anything is improving to in my opinion justify the cost. There has to be a better answer. I unfortunately not only speak from a professional perspective, I am also speaking from a position of experience. I was for over 2 years, by the definition of homelessness, homeless. I lived in a YMCA transient shelter when I married my wife and completed High School while living there prior to that. I write about these experiences in my book The Keystone Kid and those experiences are not exaggerated, they are as real and accurate as I can possibly record. While the book deals with various issues I dealt with, the answer to the problem is the same for all situations I had to endure in my own life. I believe now, as I have believed for some time, the answer is the same for most on the streets. I know because where I have seen real change come about over the many years of my work is the same in the overwhelming majority of people.

Are you ready for the number one way that we as a society, caregivers, and helpers in particular can make a change? Here you go, to know (for to know gives the ability to show change and model what needs to be changed best) and follow, (in all ways,) the person of Jesus, and then from that point, introduce Jesus to those we work with.

The Bible is very clear on this subject, and I have seen it from experience to be true in life. "What will you gain, if you own the whole world but destroy yourself? What would you give to get back your soul?" Things are not the solution to helping someone want to change. There is a spiritual component within each of us, that unless filled with the Spirit of God will not have an understanding or desire to change or find a place of peace within ones own spiritual needs.  I am honored and pleased to say, it is one of the things that makes the ministry I do and the work Mosaic is involved in different than many others. I am thankful that I am aware of other ministries doing the same thing and they have been things that have helped direct me in the work I believe is the work of God. This has been the thing I have seen be the most effective in bringing about change to the poor and the homelessness issues in American.

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One of the things I have seen and believe to be the number one problem amongst the homeless is the lack of hope. Many don't believe things can and will get better. Providers believe they know what is best and at best offer solutions that are temporary and do not last. It is so bad in some circles that some call themselves ministry and either the Jesus that is introduced is diluted at best and in many instances are 'Ministries' that never introduces people to Jesus. I see this done by some who are flat out lying and deceive. They say and do things that are clearly not true, while promoting themselves. They supposedly place hundreds of homeless people in housing when I doubt they could show 5 actual people where they have done so and it has lasted. Or supposedly feeding tens of thousands of the homeless when there are less than 2,000 homeless people in their community. Of course with groups like this, it is easy to get a large numbers of people to support you but that support is based off of lies. It is imperative that one does the research to verify the facts. When it is done one can clearly see indiscretions in things like finance and more with numerous businesses in the community but it is sometimes so much easier to believe the lies. Then there are so called ministries that have personal indiscretions ranging from marital infidelity, leadership issues, untrue accusations and much more. I agree it is imperative to get the log out of ones own eye before worrying about the speck in another's, but I am not speaking about specs here, I am speaking about logs and making sure that those who say they do ministry follow the Biblical expectations of what the Bible calls ministry, otherwise it is not ministry it is a facade masquerading as ministry. There are clearly higher expectations for Biblical leadership and it is imperative that we follow that leadership and direction. If doing that, it becomes clear, it is about Jesus.

What is it Jesus does that some never take into consideration? It is quite simple, the very nature of God we see from the Old Testament through the New Testament is the concept of hope that comes from knowing and being in relationship with God, that only comes through Jesus. The Bible speaks hundreds of times on this subject. There are verses like the following:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

www.thevirtualpew.comNow faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. - 1 Peter 3:15

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. - Romans 15:4

I could go on and on, like I said, there are literally hundreds of verses that deal with the subject of hope. I beg the question: how is hope instilled amongst the poor, the homeless or anyone when the need for Jesus is left out of the solution all together? The answer is simple, the evidence shows, it isn't. This is one of the primary reasons we see the homeless saying things like, "I have no desire to get off the streets, people are giving me everything I need," or, "I don't want help, I have no obligations or responsibilities on the street," to most recently, "Everything I need is given to me, I prefer to use my money for my drugs and whores." I beg another question, is it possible, that in the do-gooders intent that we have failed doing good and arrived at the place were we enable people more than help them? This is both a spiritual and a political problem, spiritual because Jesus and God has a purpose for each of us beyond just surviving and a political agenda that seems to be pressed at times that sees it as the governments responsibility to take care of those who are incapable of taking care of themselves. This is a Communist or Socialist perspective. The danger here is that while it is true there will be a segment of society who will always need help, it is clear to me from my observations and experiences, that we are leading others into that place that are capable to find that hope but have either given up on life by surrendering to alcohol and drugs, (of which many of the things that are given are sold to buy more drugs and alcohol.) or are some really incapable of helping themselves, at which point some others have less resources being provided to help those such as those with severe mental illnesses. The bottom line is this is quite possible and I believe likely. Many of the providers or those seeking to do good may be doing more harm than good because they leave out the one instrument of change that I know gives hope, God.

www.thevirtualpew.comUnderstand, I am not trying to make  blanket generalizations.  There are always  exceptions but they are exceptions, not solutions. In this whole dilemma, not only should the mistakes of what I call the do gooders be addressed but the failure of the Church in large, and Christian community must also be addressed. Many churches have gotten caught up in political dogmas to the point that they have forgotten about the missional expectations of Jesus. Many do good once a year, say at Christmas, but what do we do all of the year to carry out this mission? I am asking the church to consider something, something I would love to do and be a part of but there are people in your communities who could do this as well. Look at ways you can serve the homeless and the poor, while at the same time, having crusades (not revivals but crusades where the Gospel of Jesus is clearly preached) to this population. Then take on the responsibility of the Church to those who have converted. Take them under our wings, disciple them and implement the whole of the following passages of scripture:

 Acts 2: 42-47: (42) They spent their time learning from the apostles, and they were like family to each other. They also broke bread and prayed together.

(43) Everyone was amazed by the many miracles and wonders that the apostles worked. (44) All the Lord’s followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. (45) They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it. (46) Day after day they met together in the temple. They broke bread together in different homes and shared their food happily and freely, (47) while praising God. Everyone liked them, and each day the Lord added to their group others who were being saved

And,

Acts 4: 32- 37: (32) The group of followers all felt the same way about everything. None of them claimed that their possessions were their own, and they shared everything they had with each other. (33) In a powerful way the apostles told everyone that the Lord Jesus was now alive. God greatly blessed his followers, (34) and no one went in need of anything. Everyone who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money (35) to the apostles. Then they would give the money to anyone who needed it.

(36-37) Joseph was one of the followers who had sold a piece of property and brought the money to the apostles. He was a Levite from Cyprus, and the apostles called him Barnabas, which means “one who encourages others.”

www.thevirtualpew.comHere is the reality as I see it, until the do gooders start introducing Jesus with integrity or are at the least working with those who are faithful to this need and the Church and Christians do their part, then as much as I hate to say it, while some good may be done, in the overall scheme of things, we are may be wasting our time. It is my desire that we do what we should be doing. Some say the Bible addresses over 2,000 times the needs of the poor and needy, the orphan and the widow. While I am not sure if it is that many times, it is clear it is an awful lot and the Church needs to be doing the work God. It has always dumbfounded me, the church spends so much time on subjects like abortion, which should be addressed but seems to ignore the expectations of caring for the poor and needy which are so strongly emphasized in scripture. The bottom line for many problems including both of these, the answer is Jesus but how can people hear if the followers of Christ don't take Biblical teachings seriously and recognize that Jesus is exactly who he said he was, (...no one goes to the Father in Heaven except through me.) and emphasizes those points and takes and illustrates that message of hope to them?

Today I implore three groups: 1) There are those who deceive, they are in my view, evil and God will judge them harshly for their actions. I believe they should be exposed for their deceit. 2) There are others who just don't know. They have taken seriously their work but never seriously taken the message of hope that comes through Christ seriously. They wonder why they see little or no results, stay discouraged or know in their hearts they want so much more for those they legitimately love and care for. To those individuals, surrender to Jesus, I would love to be one of those who introduces you to him, simply contact me at mike@furches.org or Facebook or other forms and I will gladly walk you through the process. 3) There is another challenge, and challenge to Christians and The Church who are not doing their part. I so realize many are doing their part. There are great churches doing great work, seeing wonderful results and many Christians individually doing their part, but, for churches and Christians who aren't, get busy. Ask for forgiveness and do your part in reaching one of the great mission fields on the earth. Don't just stop at a conversion, we are not called from a Biblical perspective to just make converts, we are called to make disciples. Don't settle for anything else. We are to be a part of the process where people are sold out Jesus Freaks and fully life long persons committed to Jesus, even until the point of death. We are called to do the work of Jesus on this earth, including an area strongly emphasized in scripture, serving, reaching and seeing the salvation of the poor and needy, orphan, widow, tax collector, whosoever. Anything less is not what God has called us to do.

Addendum added 7/20/2021

It is so easy in today's world to give quickly and truthfully, without thought. I find issue with this as one who is involved in ministry for over 40 years now, who also has such a hard and difficult time surviving, yet, still finding ways to try and help. Even last night, giving counsel on things like suicide emergency assistance to looking at solutions to homelessness. The big ministries who sometimes do very little have great ad campaigns to keep the cash flowing. 

As a recent example, and this one will be controversial,  there seems to be quick solutions for homeless issues that really do not seriously take into consideration the long term needs of the homeless, which by the way encompasses, folks who have lost jobs, have serious substance abuse problems or mental illnesses with various disorders that impact people in different ways. There seems to be this idea that we can just convert shopping centers, buy homes and other things that solves the homeless problems, it is in a way, a societal answer that people often make who are unwilling or unknowing of the ultimate needs of the individuals. The sad truth is, these solutions in the long run, do a great job at keeping the homeless homeless and dependent on society. The life changing concepts are critical to bring about if we genuinely want to see lives changed. While the Bible clearly states, we will always have the poor among us, we are also obligated to do more than just offer lip service. I am reminded of the passage of scripture that clearly says, if we see someone in need, and have the  means to help them and don't we can't say we have the love of God within us, we don't.  Of course we think that money is always the answer to issues, and that is a part of it, but often times the means of helping someone in need requires more than just money. 


As an example to the above, my nephew in Pensacola Florida has started a ministry where he gets old beat up bicycles, fixes them up and has a process to help the homeless with a form of transportation by having a bicycle. A great ministry that is addressing a specific need. There are questions though in the total scheme of things that should be understood where others in the church could come in and help. What for example if someone has a job? A bicycle could be of a great help, but, they don't know how to ride a bicycle?  Sometimes the solution is a great solution but someone may need help in order to obtain that solution. My nephew has done a great job at doing what he does, and then working with others to provide other helps as they can.

When I was running Mosaic as a downtown ministry we were the largest daily provider of services to the homeless in Wichita. We didn't charge or bill for those services so money was an issue. I refused a salary so we could do that ministry. We did something unique though, we didn't just serve coffee, we served the best coffee, we didn't just serve food, we cooked and served the best food. We didn't just give clothes, we gave the best clothes.  You see it is so easy to give dented cans, cheap hand me downs and more, heck, we even had someone once donate clothes that had been soiled by cats, like this was a gift out of love.  Why give second best when we are called to follow Christ who gave His best and His all?

The above, with lack of training, living skills education and long term help is one of the issues I have with the tiny homes approach many are following for the homeless. We have to make sure appropriate training that incarnates people back into society, that enables the best possible chance of success are the models we follow. Creating villages for the homeless people with tiny houses is segregation and I believe provides the dented cans approach to and for the homeless and makes it easy to throw money away in a quick way that in reality, has little positive benefit other than getting people, temporarily off the streets. It is certain, without the proper instruction, training and assistance, that I believe ultimately should include Christ, the solution is in fact, temporary as the person will certainly end back on the streets without that hand up, not a hand out, and walking alongside of and with, as opposed to sending someplace to put out of mind and out of site. In many ways, this is no different than the position some municipalities have taken by doing things like buying bus tickets for the homeless to send them to another city. 

Am I saying things like Tiny Homes or other assistance of this nature is all bad?  NO! I am saying that there has to be far more and in all things, my self esteem and self worth while homeless would have been built far better and quicker by a chance to be reintroduced into the hope that comes from Christ, of the possibility of someday having my own real apartment and or house. The dreams and asperations of others are often times built by the belief others have in them. If a person thinks others think they are only deserving of a tiny home, they will have tiny dreams and asperations. Dream big, for we serve a big God. If used, emphasized and shown that it is only a stepping stone done the right way, well then, do it the right way and let the person know it is a process to their larger dreams. That isn't how it's being done though that I have seen. It is more of a out of mind, out of site, and I don't have to do as much that way approach. Thankfully, God believes in his children more than that and has chosen to use us to accomplish His purpose. 

I know this will strike many the wrong way, others will hate it, some agree with a point or two and some will know I am sharing truth. A truth that may not be easy to hear but none the less, truth. I challenge everyone to do more than just give money but if giving money, give to those that are doing good, that is the good that helps the whole person, including the spiritual component of people, not just the physical. Remember that the Gospel and message of Jesus is also called Good News! In closing  I close with the following verses.

What does it profit anyone to gain the whole world and lose their soul? - Matthew 16:26

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

You can experience the plan of salvation and the eternal hope that comes with Jesus. Watch the following video for more information, just click on it, if the video doesn't appear, click on the following link. I also encourage you, if rededicating your life to Jesus or making a commitment to follow Christ, let me know, I will do all I can to help you in the situation you are in.

The Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by the kind contributions of others. You can click on the donate button below to give any amount to this work that does so much more than just post articles on the net; I draw no ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita which is predominantly a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount you can contribute to help with this ministry.  Believe me there is much more going on than most realize. I will also provide information to verify the ministry and income that comes into this ministry and work.  Thanks and feel free to share any material from The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to the original site with the materials provided.


To Donate via Pay Pal, donate at paypal at mike@furches.org

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You can also always donate to The Virtual Pew at 1249 North Saint Francis, Wichita Kansas 67214


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You can also check out Mike's Musical ventures by searching for Mike Furches and Pastor Mike and the Demon Slayer Blues Band. Mary Jane's album is available online and by contacting Mike and the Pastor Mike and Demon Slayer Blues Band album is available on over 150 download formats.

There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives on The Virtual Pew and Mike Furches Reviews. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone Kid at mike@furches.org You can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/.

Hopefully, you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

You can donate via paypal at mike@furches.org or cash app at $MichaelFurches

Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word. Here is our contact information

The Virtual Pew
1249 N. St. Francis
Wichita Kansas, 67214
Email: mike@furches.org

To follow Mike's Band, Pastor Mike and the Demon Slayer Blues Band, click the following link:

 

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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Best Slide Guitar Player I Ever Knew: A Suicide Story

Stan Hamm was one of the best guitar players I ever knew. He was without a doubt the best acoustic slide player I ever knew. After working for a number of years in the music business and hearing some of the great guitar players of my time it takes a lot to impress me. Stan impressed me, and the memory of seeing him play, still has a lasting impression.

Stan was tall, over six feet with dirty blonde hair. He was slim with decent muscle tone due to the years spent on his family’s farm and all of the carpentry work he had done. He had the tendency to wear a beard for a month or so and then change his look in some way, either by shaving, changing his hair style, something. He wasn’t overly handsome but he was far from ugly. He could have had many more girlfriends than he did, but he was complicated with a lot of deep thoughts and concerns he wasn’t afraid of discussing.

I first met Stan while attending Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. Hillsboro is a small town and Tabor is a small Mennonite Brethren college. When I first met him I didn’t know he was a musician. We were involved in some classes together and I found out that he enjoyed some of the same Christian artists I did. The one that brought us together was Larry Norman. I enjoyed how Larry Norman used Rock ‘N’ Roll to address social issues and Stan was of the same opinion. It didn’t take long before Stan showed up at my house one evening with guitar in hand.

At that time I was a frustrated musician who had not taken the time or made the effort to learn to play my bass guitar in an appropriate way. I dabbled with a harmonica and tried to sing but really wasn’t that good. I’ll never forget the first time I heard Stan play. I was amazed at how fast his fingers were and how good his music felt. When he brought out that old glass pop bottle neck and started playing slide guitar I was blown away. I had never heard anything like it. He could play everything from classic blues to gospel renditions which he often did at church. His slide version of Amazing Grace is still one of the best renditions I have ever heard. His fingering with both his left and right hand were so effortless, yet the music was without mistake and nothing short of incredible. On some of the things he would sing, and he wasn’t all that bad vocally either.

One of the things I always appreciated in my friends was their honesty and Stan was one of the most honest people I have ever known. I’ll never forget sitting out in the garage one evening, Stan playing guitar and me trying to play harmonica and sing some of those Larry Norman songs. It wasn’t long before Stan told me, "I don’t really think you should sing. It’s not that you can’t sing but you can’t sing the style we are playing." While those comments hurt a little I appreciated him for his honesty. His honesty also caused me to take my singing and playing more seriously. Through the brutality of his honesty I was challenged to be a better singer and a much better musician. I realized that Stan was good for me and would help me not only become a better musician, but a better person.

Over the years Stan and my family became close. For a year and a half we lived in separate attached apartments. We kept the doors between the apartments open and had a common room together that we called our family room. We lived in a community with other close Christian friends but while those families shared their own apartment space Stan and my family took it a step further. The television and our reading materials were in the family room. Our daughter was only 3 or 4 at the time and Stan would watch her as we went to the store or ran other errands. We looked after his things when he wanted us to. We shared most all possessions because we were like family. We even shared a meal together each evening. What was ours was his, and what was his was ours.

Over the years Stan became involved in the jail ministry I organized in college. He was among the first to care and respond to the people we tried to help and was there each week. There were four of us that were regulars in this ministry and we drew close over the four years we worked together. Stan was also involved at church, with student prayer groups on campus, and Bible studies. As far as I was concerned, he had it all together and we had a love for each other that was hard to describe.

Stan and I shared a number of heartaches together. We both had difficulties with our families and there were times we shared those heartaches with each other. He was having some troubles with his folks and their newfound "Charismatic" faith. I on the other hand had difficulty with my family who were all strict Republicans and very conservative. One Christmas Stan went home with me to Tennessee. That particular Christmas was unusual in Tennessee because the temperature was in the 70’s and the mountains were beautiful. We took a 4 mile hike up into the mountains to one of the beautiful waterfalls in the National Forest surrounding Erwin Tennessee. We found some popular tree leaves to cover ourselves with after we decided to strip down and get into the pools surrounding the waterfalls and take some photos.

Later that day we went home and spent time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It wasn’t unusual that when we got together my family would get into some deep philosophical or political argument, this time was no different. While I was so hurt that I was ready to leave and drive back to Kansas, Stan was among the first to be at my side, telling me that my family was worth more than any political view. It was important to make up and see to it that we didn’t have this type of separation, especially at Christmas. It was times like this that I knew Stan was a dear friend. I was there for him when he needed me and he was there for me when I needed him.

Some years later I ended up graduating from college and Stan and I went our separate ways. He spent time in Hillsboro, Oklahoma and Colorado and I was in South Carolina. It was almost 3 years later before I saw him again. My wife, daughter and I were visiting Hillsboro Kansas during Easter. While there we had decided to spend as much time with Stan as possible. I could see at the time that Stan was having some difficulties. He was focused more on the problems around him and didn’t seem happy. He was disillusioned with the church and the Christians around him. He was tired of seeing them talk about love while never showing love. I had not seen Stan like this before, at least not to this extent. We spent a good deal of time together and before I departed to go back to South Carolina I told him that if he ever needed anything to give me a call.

I had been back in South Carolina for almost a year when I received a phone call late one night. It was Stan on the other end of the line and he had awakened my wife and me. I was surprised to hear from him but was pleased. I quickly sat up in the bed and told my wife who it was on the other end. We had not been talking long when Stan began to ask questions about South Carolina. He wanted to know what the people were like, how hard was it to find a job and things of this nature. He than asked if I would be willing to let him move in with us if he moved there. My wife, Mary Jane and I were surprised because we still maintained a close relationship with him and considered him a part of our family. He would always be welcome, he should know that. He told us of his frustrations of living in a small town and living around “supposed Christians." The conversation lasted for close to an hour and I didn’t get much sleep that night due to the excitement of the conversation and the opportunity to talk to my old friend Stan. To be honest I was hoping that he would be moving in rather soon.

My wife was a little less optimistic after much of the discussion of the opportunity of Stan moving in with us in South Carolina. She had remembered his wonderful habit of eating raw garlic. She used to tell him that she could smell him coming up the stairs of the apartment before she heard him. Stan had also been experiencing some problems we were not to aware of and she felt it would be a good idea to find out what was going on in his life before having him move in. While there were several discussions between my wife and me, they were mute, Stan was welcome and we hoped to hear from him soon. Despite my effort to contact Stan over the next several months I was unable to do so. He was moving from one place to another and not many people knew where he was at or how to reach him.

A few months later I accepted a job in Hendersonville, North Carolina. It was only 35 miles from where we lived in Greenville, South Carolina but we moved none the less. I took the job as the Director of a Rehabilitation program in for mentally ill adults. We decided to go ahead and move despite it still being within commuting distance. Things were going great when I received a letter one day from an old friend back in Kansas.

My college had written a brief paragraph in its alumni newsletter regarding my new job. One of the mutual friends I had with Stan wrote me a letter. It was a surprise when I got the letter and I was excited. It started off in the traditional tone, "Hey Mike, it’s Mark here in Kansas. I recently read about you working in Mental Health and I am doing the same thing type of thing here in Newton, Kansas." There was more small talk, which was exciting to me, but then, the shocker, "By the way don’t know if you know or not, but do you know that Stan is dead?"

To say the least my emotions went from the high of hearing from an old friend to instant shock. I’ll never forget my wife who was with me that day at work. She could tell something was wrong from my silence and expression. "What’s wrong Mike?" she asked.

"Stan’s dead" was all I could say.

That evening I called Mark. I needed to know the details. It is hard to explain, that is to know the details, but I couldn’t control the urge. Mark was convinced that Stan was Bipolar and that he had difficulty with all of the things going on. Stan was in Colorado when he had killed himself and was by all evidence, alone. I couldn’t then and still have a hard time accepting that Stan is dead. I often wonder, dream and think about the possibility that maybe he really isn’t dead. I have had to come to accept over the years that he is dead and a dear friend is no longer around.

I have had many regrets, questions and thoughts over the years, "Is there anything I could have done?" "Why didn’t I see something after we had the phone conversation several months earlier?" Why did others put so much pressure on Stan?" "Dear God what a waste of a wonderful life." I thought these things and more but I finally realized that Stan was responsible for his actions. Did he think about the hurt he would create from his actions? I don’t think so if he would have he wouldn’t have killed himself. I have also thought about what was he thinking and going through.

The more I have thought and prayed about it the more I am convinced that the terrible disease of Mental Illness must be treated and understood. I have come to the conclusion that the church is to blame to a small extent for not fully understanding and addressing the needs of the mentally ill. Much of Stan’s confusion and hurt was the result of religious confusion. Many may say this is why you shouldn’t mix religion with the treatment of mental illness. After working in the field for some years I couldn’t disagree more. I am absolutely confident; this is why you must address religious thoughts, convictions, and delusions in the treatment of this disease. To refuse to do so will only allow the confusion to remain in the life of the person struggling.

It has been a number of years now since Stan left us. I still have the pictures we took on the mountain on that Christmas day when he provided me encouragement. I have the Testament our family gave him one Christmas when we lived together in Kansas. I have the recorded music he wrote and played. I listen to it often, still amazed at the ability of this individual who lost hope. This friend who was the best slide guitar player I ever heard play. I wish I could tell Stan one more time that I loved him. I wish I could be there to cry with him, but I can’t. I can only hope that others that need to hear this message will read it, and ultimately, respond to those they love.

The following video addresses the issue of suicide, just click on the video to view. If the video doesn't appear, click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7IK711hF9c


Here is another video from old friend Rick Cua, former bass player for the Outlaws, Don't Say Suicide:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9wNDNQYwKM


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