Why Can't We Be Friends

All through the Bible we see the concept of friendship presented. Even in today’s world, the concept of friend has been popularized by such things as having “friends” at Facebook.  Unfortunately, that word friend because of things like Facebook has in my opinion been bastardized. That is, it has strayed so far from it’s original meaning that it essentially has lost its meaning.

 

Using the Biblical definition, what is a friend? From the Bible Dictionary we have the following: “In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components: association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning: friendship as association only; friendship as association plus loyalty; and friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.”

 

With the above definition I can’t help but wonder, have we and people lost the meaning of things like loyalty and affection?  It seems to me as if the word friend is just a word for someone we know, better fitting with the concept of an associate or acquaintance, but certainly, not someone we are loyal and/or are faithful to.

 

Some know I share my emotions on my sleeves, or tattooed arms if you will. I am not afraid to share my feelings and emotions with others. It is one of the things that makes me unique I guess, it is a way of me dealing with life as well as an understanding that sometimes it is a way to help others deal with the same thoughts, they may have that I either am, or have experienced. So here goes.

 

At this point in my life, I have had very few real friends. A lot of acquaintances but few friends. Obviously, my late wife was more than a lover, she was a friend. Then, with a real blessing of God. I now have someone I can talk to about anything like no one I have ever been able to talk to. I don’t mean this as a slam in any way on anyone, but at this point, I can talk to my fiancé Sheila about things like I have never been able to talk to another about except for the Lord. That, my “friends,” is a real and true friendship. I have a question though, what if we could experience that level of friendship and love for each other, as I do believe that love does exist in a brotherly and sisterly way with real friends?  How much easier would it be to deal with life’s issues, it’s difficulties?

I have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is a horrible condition. If you don’t know what it is I encourage you to look it up. It can be debilitating and is often influenced by triggers or events that bring back memories.  I recently went through a bout of depression because of some triggers that are and have been going on. I needed friends, friendship, the feeling of love that only friends can bring about. I prayed, I asked others to pray for me, and thankfully they did and even more thankfully, God heard those prayers.

 

In short, God answered those prayers by allowing me to spend time with an old friend from Tennessee who was taking his new bride to be back to Tennessee from Washington State. That day, reflecting on old times, just hearing the voice and dialect of “home”, (I am originally from Upper East Tennessee but haven’t lived there in over 40 years) was so healing. To talk about old memories, good times, hard times, it was healing. But there was a kicker that God also provided. Besides my best friend Jesus, God provided me time with my best earthly friend, the person I have come to love with my all, by far the person I can talk to like no other on this earth, God provided me time with my Sheila. 

 

Sheila works a tough schedule, often with mixed hours and long hours that prevents us from spending the time together that I am so hungry and thirsty for. So, I’ve learned to cherish those times together, even if just for moments. While we talk online when we can, it just isn’t like being there, to caress her arm, or to experience a passionate kiss, and then, to also just talk. To talk about things that are important, to talk about things we can’t talk to any other about. To know that the person is listening, and that they care. That is what real friends do. With Sheila and I/we experience all facets of love, a Godly Love, a Brotherly Sister Love, and beyond that an Erotic Passionate love meant for a married couple. That is the ultimate friend but unfortunately, we can’t all meet, nor should we, all those facets of friendship. I do believe that the last one mentioned, Erotic or Eros Love is intended for two people God has brought together to partner in life and to essentially as the Bible states, to go to the place where the two become one. The question is, how do we get to the place where we can be real friends with others in the appropriate ways we can? We all know, we need real friendship, but it is unfortunately lacking.

 

I don’t have all the answers but the thing I do know is we have to be careful. One reason it is so hard to develop real friendships is because of issues related to trust. We all fail here, let that be clear, but it is something we must work at. It isn’t an issue of if we can be trustworthy, it becomes an issue of will we be trustworthy and then, be willing to perfect that character trait.  Then and only then, do I think we can trust enough to be willing to be open and share in the important things of life, be it emotions or experiences with others. It’s not easy, I know. I am often asked to trust people. My general response is that I’ve learned to only trust myself and God and half of the time I don’t trust myself. Believe me, I know, it isn’t easy, but I know, it’s necessary.  For me, let me make something clear, I can for example speak to Sheila like no other, my truest friend because she opened up to me about herself. She took the first step which enabled me to trust her more. It is because she was willing to take that step, that my life is so much better because now, well, now I have someone I can talk to about anything. Of course, the Lord is and has always been there, but there is definitely something about us as human beings carrying out that concept of love, trust, that the Lord expects us to have in Him.

 

Here is my challenge today, work at being a friend, not an acquaintance, not just a social media friend, but a real friend. Here is the crazy thing about it, when we work on this, not only does it improve our life, but it also improves the life of the one we have chosen to be friends with.  So, in that regard, I challenge, work to make life better not just for you, but those friends, even if they be few that surround you and share in life with you. 

For some reason, it seems like this song is appropriate, after all, I wonder, Why Can't We Be Friends.

WAR - Why Can't We Be Friends? W/ Lyrics - YouTube

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Becoming Friends With Him And Them

One of the things that sometimes surprises those getting to know me is the studies I was involved in while in college. My majors are around the areas of Psychology, Human Services, Church Ministries and believe it or not, Philosophy. It is the area of Philosophy I find myself using many of the things I learned, especially logic and reasoning.

Many know I do a regular teaching whether at church, online, in my writings, or other settings. Many may not realize the number of times I personally contemplate on those teachings, thinking about how to apply them in and to my life. Many teachers and speakers will tell you, especially on matters of faith, that their teachings often apply to the teacher more than the student. While a teaching can have specific meaning for the teacher, it is likely a listener is in the same boat as the teacher and needs the teaching.

This last weekend I taught on the concept that God chooses to be our friend. I used the following passage:

John 15 - (13) The greatest way to show love for friends is to die for them. (14) And you are my friends, if you obey me. (15) Servants don’t know what their master is doing, and so I don’t speak to you as my servants. I speak to you as my friends, and I have told you everything that my Father has told me.

I want to share a few brief points:

1st, God wants to be our friend, but there are conditions to that friendship. Verse 15 gives clear indication that we have to obey. 

The bible is full of instruction, one of the benefits of the church is that appropriate instruction should be given. Remember, the role of a pastor is to teach and equip others to observe the instructions from the ultimate love letter and instruction manual, the bible.

We all have friends and family, Christ gave the clear example of how to display love, to the point that he:

2ndly, Gave the example of what it meant to literally love so much that one is willing to lay down

their life for another.

The truth is, many of us have friends and family we deeply love, whether it be a best friend we have had since high school, a brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, father, and you likely get my point. Let me ask a simple question, if we haven't experienced the ultimate and best friendship and love possible, the perfect friendship and love if you will, if we don't observe and obey and take part in the instruction of scripture, the aspect of sharing in life with others who have learned this concept, how is one to expect to be the best friend, providing the best love possible to those around them, whether, a best friend from years gone by, or a family member, brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, father, and you likely get my point? 

Today, I want to challenge you, not to be just a so called friend, but instead, be a real friend, whether a Facebook friend or a real life honest to goodness friend from years gone by or a family member, brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, father, and you likely get my point, friend. 

Discover ways to access appropriate teachings, dedicate yourself to be the best you can be from academics, teaching received at church, then go into your practicum of becoming a good friend using those examples, then, graduate to the place where you are using those examples, teaching those you love about ultimate friendship and love and the best and perfect example, Jesus. 

As a footnote let me say, unfortunately a lot of churches don't practice this concept of loving each other as they should. Keep looking if having trouble finding one. I also know this, fortunately, there are those good teachers, consistent with the teachings of scripture, putting into practice, that ultimate example of love and friendship, initially displayed and still given by that perfect love and example, Jesus.

Good luck, carry on, and love. 

A great song on the area of friendship. To see and hear the song, just click on the video, if there is trouble, try the following link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XGX98OW4Rc

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Merry Christmas From the Furches Family

While coming a little late, we are sending out our 2010 Year in Review, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holiday Update, and it was it a jam packed year for us.

Our year started off in an exciting way as we became grandparents. Aaliyah Monroe Elise Furches was born. Our Granddaughter is a beautiful little baby. She was born in February to our daughter in law, Emily. She was tiny like both Nathan and Emily but has tons of spirit, (in a good way.) She has been a joy as we keep her most every weekend and take her to church with us. It seems as if the year end will be a good time for us as we transition into being grandparents. Mary Jane is Nanny and I am PeePaw. Seems like we will have that experience again, late Spring, Early Summer as Marathana and Brett are also expecting their first child.

Mary Jane continues to teach at Derby Middle School and while there have been health issues some this year, she is back in full swing of things as of the Christmas season. A bout with a sinus infection, ear infection, flu, and cancer concerns all at the same time didn’t make things easy, but God is good, and she is in full health, doing just fine.

While the year saw many blessings, which I will mention later, we also had some difficulties. Among the chief of those was our moving from Clearwater as a result of the downward economy. We had a lease option on the purchase of our country home, which sat on 2 ½ acres, complete with a barn, pasture and more. The burm underground house was a house we loved but our landlord filed bankruptcy and as a result we ended up having to move. It showed us a great deal about the economy, banks and lending institutions as we tried to make an offer on the house, purchase it and so forth, and the banks, lending institutions and more wouldn’t even speak with us until the house went before the courts. As a result, after about a year of this, we finally decided to move. The house still sits vacant, overgrown, and now the property of the bank, and they will get substantially less for the house at auction than what we offered for it.

All isn’t bad though as we have relocated to Park City Kansas, just to the north of Wichita. In fact, while we live in Park City, it is strange that it is either a Park City or Wichita address. We ended up finding a little house just perfect for us. I could go into detail there but will say, nothing like living in a smaller community which is really making strides at being a community. We woke up one morning only to find out that our house sits right on the Park City Parade route. While Park City may be better known for the former serial killer BTK, Dennis Radar formerly living here, this little town is much more than that. Our new address for snail mail is 6441 N. Hydraulic, Park City, (or Wichita) KS 67219. If you are ever in the neighborhood come on down. We have a great Mexican restaurant within walking distance, a number of other good restaurants, including the local favorite, Cracker Barrel. Our new phone number is 1-316-807-8034 and The Virtual Pew and The Keystone Kid has a toll free number, it is 1-800-344-5013

I continue to pastor at Mosaic Church in Wichita. We have had some good, and bad problems occur which have made it difficult. We were renting space, which we had outgrown. While we had the option of going to 2 services, the furnace on the building never worked appropriately, finally went out all together and the landlord expected us to replace the furnace. We have since started meeting at Pawnee Avenue Church of God, and have made an offer on a location downtown which we will be relocating to later on. The new space will allow us to continue our outreach to the homeless as we will be one block away from the primary hangouts for the homeless, and the arts community as we will be downtown Wichita.

Mosaic has also been impacted by the economy. We have several people out of work, and others who are unable to contribute to the needs of the church financially. We continue to move forward though and many growing in discipleship. Currently there is no guarantee of salary for me from the church as we are at a vulnerable place, even though we have grown. We may likely always need to be seen as a missional church as we reach out to many who aren’t able to contribute. Once we relocate to our location, it is likely that we will experience many homeless and others coming to our church who will not be able to give. The funding we received from our organizational group ran out this year, and we are seeking support from various other individuals and churches. As to my needs, while it is still tough, God continues to come through and meet our needs, and thankfully, sometimes our wants.

This was an exciting year for Mary Jane and me as we also were able to take a vacation. We didn’t go far but went to Amarillo, Texas. Along the way we stopped in Oklahoma City and points of interest along the way including the Largest Cross in the Western Hemisphere, Erick Oklahoma the home of Roger Miller and Sheb Wooley and many other wonderful locations like that. The highlight of the trip was the Palo Duro Canyon outside of Amarillo and getting to see, have dinner with a dear longtime friend, Mary Diane Goin and her husband George, whom I hadn’t seen in many years since living in Greenville, South Carolina. What a wonderful word of encouragement she had for the both of us. While in Amarillo we also made a point to attend church as we visited the Cal Farley Boy’s Ranch. If ever in the area, make sure you visit this wonderful ministry.

This was also a year to reconnect with other friends. We were truly blessed as long time friends visited us. David Loewen, a friend from Tabor College and his girlfriend, Sherry visited us. David attended church with us and shared some while there. He and I were actively involved in the jail ministry while in college.

We also had Guerry (Garvy) Harvell from Greenville visit and stay with us for a couple of weeks. Garvy helped our band as we played a few times out, and he also helped out at church while here. We took Garvy around to see some of Kansas and it was so good seeing this old band mate and dear brother.

One of the tough things this year, especially with the release of my book, The Keystone Kid was my web site www.thevirtualpew.com being hacked twice by hackers and finally put down. As a result I lost almost 3,000 email contacts of individuals who had requested to receive information from The Virtual Pew. That resulted in a serious loss of income for our family as many of the regular donations that came in from that web site were lost due to us not being able to send reminders and so forth. We are actively trying to rebuild that web site and get it back up and going. While much of the ministry and work of The Virtual Pew has continued, the hacking and loss of the web site had a negative impact in many regards.

There was good news though, the release of my book, The Keystone Kid did take place. The book is starting to pick up in sales via word of mouth. I am still working with the publishers at making sure some things are taken care of. The last month of the book has actually been quite positive in sales and I hear almost daily from people who have been touched and helped from the book. The book is available worldwide and via Barnes and Noble, Amazon and other retailers. It is published by Friesen Press and is distributed by Ingrim Distribution. You can find out more about it at www.thekeystonekid.com

Also pre production of the short, The Long Walk, a film by Titus Jackson and Tiroma Films is complete and the final steps are in place to finish the short based on the book. We will be using that short to raise funds for the feature film and are excited about the rough draft of the short. Rob Cassels from The Rob Cassels Band will score the final project, some correction, editing, and a little more will be done prior to the completion of the film. We have had some delay in this project due to Titus mother having cancer and he and his family dealing with that. Pray for Titus and his family during this tough time. His mother is a wonderful woman whom I had the honor of meeting during the filming of The Long Walk, she was a reminder to me of the importance of this story, and a ministry like The Virtual Pew, and a church like Mosaic.

In closing, this year, I have been reminded of the need of a Savior, the need for the Light of Christ in the darkness of this world. I continue to grow and mature in my faith, never giving up on what Christ has done for me, and our family. I have been blessed to have many friends there with me along the years, many who, like me are followers of Christ, others, who are not. While I could wish none of my friends more or better than Jesus, I am nonetheless grateful for all of my friends, many of which have supported and helped us over the years, I cannot say thank you enough.

This Christmas, I am reminded of the lessons of Dickens in his classic story, A Christmas Carol. Sometimes the scrooge isn’t the one who doesn’t observe Christmas; the scrooge is the one who doesn’t recognize the needs of those oppressed by society, those who for whatever reason have less. Many of faith talk about how as a society we shouldn’t expect the government to help the poor, because the church should be doing it, yet, many do nothing or very little. I can’t help but be reminded during this season, that Jesus was a redeemer of the poor. He told us to provide for, help and be with the poor and needy, the orphan and the widow. Every Christmas our family takes time to provide for the homeless, the poor, and poor children. While we are limited in what we can do, we are blessed that many come along and help. This Christmas, this New Year, I want to affirm that our family will continue that ministry, but we challenge all of those receiving this to also do what they can, to not be a scrooge, but to share in the love of our fellow human beings by doing and being all that we be.

From our household, we sincerely say thank you for your friendship, and we truly do wish you and yours, the best Christmas, and Holiday Season possible. We love because Jesus loves us, and loving others in return is a reflection of the love we believe Christ would have each of us live out, and besides, it brings so much more joy and is easier to do than hating.

Love to all and Merry Christmas,

Mike and Mary Jane Furches
Matthew 25:31-46

The following video is a link to the video using some of the quotes that has started coming in on the book. It has been a blessing getting to meet people as well as hear their own stories of how the book has helped them in their recovery. God is good, just click on the video to see some of the quotes, if the video doesn't appear, just click on the following link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8BJOXyHrpA


Here is a video of the Christmas Santa Homeless project we do each year. This year we were blessed to have people across the nation participate. Just as above, if the video appears, just click on it, if it doesn't, simply click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGNKN2EpKNE


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