Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 50/51

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

I actually start today Step 7 of the 11 Steps. As I looked at the introduction of this process, I realized, I actually did this some time ago as I journaled my story and turned it into the novel, The Keystone Kid. That process was far from easy, but it was critical in my own recovery. The process helped me get closer to God once it was complete but it took work. It is easier now because of the experience and making sure I do my devotions and spend time alone with God. It is one of the things that is a little disturbing at times, I have learned to address things head on, it is those who encourage me to let the past be the past, to forgive and forget and those types of things that hurts. It hurts because those people are in reality some of the people I have a great deal of love for. I also realize though, that some the abuse, such as the abuse related to finances, the let downs and so forth is something I haven’t addressed as I should.

Over time I have spoken openly about my own abuse and the issue related to it. There has always been those who didn’t want me speaking about it, or even some who questioned the situations I have documented. I wrote as close to memory, with no elaboration, everything I experienced, or at least the things that impacted me. There was liberation in that and while I have been open that some of those things go so far back that I may be a little off in the time and some specifics, I am certain that I am 99%+ correct. None of it was easy; the process wasn’t easy on me, or those around me. I also know the process helped me get to a place I never expected. I still have a long ways to go but the place I am now is beyond where I thought I would ever be and the realization of where I can still yet be is beyond my wildest imagination. If this has been true for me, I can’t help but believe it will also be true for others. My hope and prayer is that maybe, just maybe, this will encourage people to take the journey.

Father thank you for where you have brought me, I pray that I continue to move in the direction you want. I pray this part of the process is something others who need it do. I pray that others who need this start the journaling process. I ask for your Holy Spirit to protect them and give them wisdom and although it will be hard for them, it will also be liberating and worth the effort. I ask that you do these things, starting today,

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being. And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. ~ Psalm 51: 6-7

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ~ 1st John 1: 8, 9

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