Sometimes life is difficult, so difficult in fact that we are almost ready to give up. The walls around us close in and the stress can be so difficult that we are ready to give up. Those emotions and feelings have recently been smothering me, even as good things in life happen, there are no guarantees of happiness or joy. The sad truth is, we all at times face difficulty.
I unfortunately have a disorder called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that makes things even more complicated in the above area. They are compounded with feelings of worthlessness, and the experiences in life can be a reminder that nothing good is going to happen and that life is set up for failure. There is the desire to be accepted, to be loved, to feel a since of a word I hate, “normalcy.” While there is a need to be loved, and reminders needed of feeling like one has accomplished something in life for everyone, due to typically abuse or some form of life-threatening event, this is especially true for the victims of PTSD. With a very tough week that I recently had, my PTSD was kicking in more than usual. The specifics as to the triggers are not so important, the way that God came through to help in the little things are.
I am reminded at this point of a passage from 1 Kings 19: 9-13 9 and he spent the night there in a cave.
While Elijah was on Mount Sinai, the Lord asked, “Elijah,
why are you here?”
10 He answered, “Lord God All-Powerful, I’ve always done
my best to obey you. But your people have broken their solemn promise to you.
They have torn down your altars and killed all your prophets, except me. And
now they are even trying to kill me!”
11 “Go out and stand on the mountain,” the Lord replied.
“I want you to see me when I pass by.”
All at once, a strong wind shook the mountain and
shattered the rocks. But the Lord was not in the wind. Next, there was an
earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 Then there was a fire,
but the Lord was not in the fire.
Finally, there was a gentle whisper, 13 and when Elijah
heard it, he covered his face with his coat. He went out and stood at the
entrance to the cave.
The Lord asked, “Elijah, why are you here?”
In the above passage I have come to realize, although I
don’t practice it perfectly, that sometimes in searching for God, in finding
peace, maybe just maybe we need to take a step back and listen to the gentle
whisper of God. Maybe just maybe making sure that we enjoy, appreciate, and
observe the little things are the ways that God can bring us back to a place of
peace. For me this week, that was the case.
It started out in a number of ways, first was spending some quality time with
my fiancé after a little bit of a misunderstanding. Taking the time to communicate,
be open and honest with one another despite the relationship is a place to
start. Then sometimes there are the
gentle reminders that you’ve made a difference and in reality, have friends who
mean something to you, where you’ve made a difference. This week God had two
friends who I hadn’t seen in a very long time just happen to run into me, one
who was passing through Wichita and another who I happened to run into from
Dallas Texas who was at a little Amish restaurant in a little Amish town of
Yoder Kansas. What are the odds. My fiancé has reminded me of how the smile on
my face was so beautiful and how good it was to see me so happy. God will find a way if we listen to the
whispers.
Saturday Night/Sunday morning was another time. My fiancé
and I happened to take a walk late in the evening on a golf course, and then
later that night, late night we decide to go lay down on the golf course on a
blanket, in the middle of the country, and watch a meteor shower. Laying down, gazing at the heavens we realize
the mighty power of God and the beauty of His creation. I was reminded of the
song. “The universe declares Your majesty, you are holy, you are holy…” As we sang together a few tears pop up because
it was in Gods’ gentle whisper in the night, gazing at God’s creation that I am
reminded, God speaks in a gentle whisper.
Truth is, life sometimes is just awful, especially for someone like me who has
PTSD, but in those times where it seems to be awful, and we feel so lost, if we
step back, spend time with those we love, or even alone, and listen to the gentle
whisper of God, maybe, just maybe, we will feel more complete and recognize the
purpose God has for us. Something to
think about. Now sit back and listen for that gentle whisper.
To listen to the song mentioned in the posting, click on the following link.
God of Wonders - Chris Tomlin (with lyrics) - YouTube
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