Saturday, April 30, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 19

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

God sees me as a person of value; it is why he died for me. I realize that sometimes, the person beating me at my core is me. I need to realize, that Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. I must remember that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me. I must remember that God loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me and offer me eternal, everlasting, life. Yet, while I realize these things, I beat myself up with the hurt perpetuated on me by others. Whether a disrespectful church member more into themselves than they are the ministry of the church, or a person who knows me little and makes assumptions about the intent of my heart. I am more, because God sees more in me. That isn’t to say I never sin, but I have been cleansed of my sin.

The heart is at issue here. God knows my heart, I know my heart, and others think they know my heart, but many times they really don’t. At times, maybe I am selfish and people think I am giving, at other times, maybe I am a little harsh, but the intent is out of love to help people move beyond. The bottom line, God knows me, He knows my heart, He sees value in me and He has promise in me.

I need to remind myself that I am to renew my mind, I am to move closer to God, yet in moving closer I will realize and see the promise and hope God has for me. I need to hear and accept God’s truth about my life. I will not let the naysayers bring me down. I will not let those who think they know it all bring me down, especially when I can see the truth of their hypocrisy. I must find my joy in the joy of the Lord for the joy of the Lord is my strength, not the ridicule, rejection, lies, untruth, and the attitudes of those who seek to tear down and destroy without searching for the truth of their own life.

My God is a loving God, and He sees value in me, I need to see what God sees.

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