Saturday, April 9, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 4

While I don’t think I have been abused by religion, I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. I do know I have been hurt by religion, but hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book, and I believe are two different things. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is that I may have at times been an abuser. I don’t think I have been but this journey will hopefully help me understand where I am at, and in the process, help others as I journal each day of the steps outlined in the book.

God is the creator; he is the one true, triune God that has control. He is to be worshipped, appreciated, respected, and seen as holy. I see God as a loving God but also a God who will execute vengeance for the rejection of his son. I know I am old fashioned there, but I think it is because of his son that I have protection, understanding and if you will favor. It is something that is possible for all of us who accept his son.

I know God has provided healing for me in many ways over the years, it continues. I don’t think it is complete, to be honest, I don’t know if the healing from the abuse and pain will ever be complete, it gets easier though. I think God would have it complete but there is a bigger picture of love, a love that allows people to do horrible things as a consequence of the free-will given each individual from God. There is also the gift of his son, an ultimate act of love which allows me the opportunity to walk closer towards healing, and ultimately, through my heavenly experience, to experience healing. I know that for some, whatever their experience, God provides healing, but I know that for others, the pain, hardship, and difficulty still exists. There is still help, but one can become a better advocate for others seeking help. I guess that’s the journey I am on. I don’t know why I have the pain, but it is less today than yesterday. Tomorrow it may be really hard again, but I know from past experiences that at least tomorrow has the potential to be a better day. I know I don’t deserve those good days, and they ultimately come from God. I guess one of the things to work on is seeing that I am as deserving. I just don’t know, I ask the question honestly seeking answers.

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