Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.Today’s theme is Rich in the World’s Eyes. It is kind of crazy, I sent out a newsletter today to folks at Mosaic, the church I pastor. The weekly update actually dealt with the themes in today’s reading. It comes down to realizing who God is, surrendering to His will, and letting Him live through us. What God has for me is so much better and more than anything I can imagine for myself. I may think at times of grandiose things, but God knows what is best and will give me the most joy. He brings me back to reality. God brings satisfaction and purpose.
I want to serve God, I get confused when I see others who say they love Jesus, yet don’t get to know Him, love Him, and have relationship with Him. I realize my own need to be careful in this regard. I need to let God, through His Holy Spirit work as He needs on others. I was reminded some years ago, it is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, not mine.
Today, at this moment, I am getting closer to God, yet in getting closer, I realize I am also getting further away because I realize His holiness, and my imperfection. The more I learn about God, the more I realize that no matter how many improvements I have made, in some ways, I need him more because I am so incapable of being like him on my own. I would ask God to help me be more like Him, His son, at all times, and in all ways. That isn’t easy; the human part of me wants to experience human emotions. I find resolve though. I know that Jesus did the same thing in His humanness while on earth. I guess it is finding the balance. I have a ways to go there, but I think I am getting there.
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