Not So Happy Holidays

 

Yesterdays Thanksgiving Day for my family was a first, the first time we faced Thanksgiving without my wife Mary Jane also a mother and grandmother. While our family is small, only 2 children and 2 grandchildren, the day was tough. It is a journey we will all face someday minus the tragedy of loosing our own lives and being the first to go.

Mary Jane Erwin Furches was a loving wife and mother. Many know our journey though the journaling I did on Facebook and the public way we lived our lives. We lived it publicly for most of our lives, not to impress but to hopefully inspire. In that capacity, few inspired as much, in their own silent way as did Mary Jane. She was literally the glue that held our family together. She was the epitome of how to love.

Scrolling through FaceBook this morning, I realized there are many families that know what I'm talking about. While the holidays for many are a time of joy and memories, it is also a time of reflection and sadness for those who are no longer around. In these moments many of us have come to realize, Thanksgiving is about more than a big meal and Christmas is about much more than presents under the tree. We understand that with loss, memories play much more of a role in our joy and happiness than the things, be they food or gifts ever were.

This holiday season, I'll be honest, I don't want to decorate the house and you have to know how much our family celebrated the holidays, but I think I have to try and muster the strength to do it. I haven't even taken down the Christmas tree from last year because Mary Jane put a few decorations on the tree and she loved Christmas so much that I just can't bring myself to do it. Not just for me, but for many, the holidays, especially those first ones without a loved one are a struggle.

Next up is Christmas and while Mary Jane went to dance with Jesus on December 22, we had a Christmas celebration with her the day she died. She saw the grandkids open some presents, told them Merry Christmas and that she loved them a few hours before dying. She saw her children before laying down, falling asleep with me next to her and going to be with Jesus. In many ways this December 22 and ultimately Christmas will be the first without her. I already find myself shedding tears thinking about that and I know there are many others who can relate.

I have heard these stories for most of my life, you know, how the holidays are tough, but this is the first time experiencing it this close to home. For those blessed to have all of your family, enjoy, celebrate and cherish the time together. For the others, like us, on your first time, hang in there, let's be there for each other. I made a few phone calls yesterday, will make more today, but let's let each other know we are still loved by our friends and family that remain. For those who have been through the process for many years, I will say I cherish your wisdom and advice on how to endure because God knows, it sure is hard.

To each of you, blessings and the Happiest of  Holidays possible.    

 

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You can also check out Mike's Musical ventures by searching for Mike Furches and Pastor Mike and the Demon Slayer Blues Band.  Mary Jane's album will be out in September of 2020 and the Pastor Mike and Demon Slayer Blues Band album will be released in October of 2020

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Daily Devotional, Genesis Chapter 23, 24, Lost and Found Love, a Godly Woman

 

Daily Devotional, Genesis Chapter 23, 24

Lost and Found Love, A Godly Woman

I can so relate do the deep love Abraham has had for Sarah, although I don't always understand his reasoning in some things. There comes a time when all of us will leave this planet and so was the case for Sarah who has died. Abraham wants the best for her, even in death, so he goes out of his way to honor her. He insists on buying land to have his wife buried on even after he was offered the land for free. I've learned, grief does that. There is no doubt of the love Abraham had for his wife; we saw it through his life, we see it in the death of his wife Sarah. 

I can't help but think; while there are many lessons we can learn here; do we show the love we have for others in the now? I'm convinced, the more we love in the now, the more we grieve in the loss. I've experienced that, we see it with Abraham and Sarah. 

After the death of Sarah, Abraham turns to his son Isaac. He wants the best for him. Abraham realizes it is through his son that God will do the things He has promised.  Abraham sends out a servant to find a wife for Isaac. Through a rather unusual set of circumstances the servant finds the wife that God has for Isaac, Rebekah. Rebekah and her family see the hand of God in all of this. They allow Abraham's servant to take back Rebekah to Isaac where they will wed and have a deep love for each other.

The one lost person in this story is the servant. A servant who saw the sincerity of Abraham's faith and prays to the God of Abraham as he sees the power of God. Do we display a faith so strong that others around us are moved by that faith? I'm not talking about a lot of the things people relate to faith like healings, money and so forth, (although that can be a part of it,) but a faith that recognizes and accepts the ways and reality of God? 

I know that in the scheme of things, I'll never be wealthy like Abraham, but, I realize I can have faith in my life, as messed up as I am that can inspire others. Of course I have to walk in faith to demonstrate that May we all have a faith that produces results and inspires others.

To see Genesis Chapter 23 and 24 Click the following link:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+23%2C+24&version=CEV

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You can also check out Mike's Musical ventures by searching for Mike Furches and Pastor Mike and the Demon Slayer Blues Band.  Mary Jane's album will be out in September of 2020 and the Pastor Mike and Demon Slayer Blues Band album will be released in October of 2020

There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone Kid at mike@furches.org You can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/.

Hopefully, you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

You can donate via paypal at mike@furches.org or cash app at $MichaelFurches

Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word. Here is our contact information

The Virtual Pew
1249 N. St. Francis
Wichita Kansas, 67214
Email: mike@furches.org

Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew

To follow Mike's Band, Pastor Mike and the Demon Slayer Blues Band, click the following link:

https://www.facebook.com/TheDemonSlayers 

The Movie Guys

Donations to The Virtual Pew

The Virtual Pew Blog

Reviews With Mike

The Virtual Pew Sermons

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An End Of Life Dream Date With Jeff Lynne's ELO

The link to the article on my other page is as follows:  https://mikefurchesreviews.blogspot.com/2019/07/an-end-of-life-dream-date-with-jeff.html

Click on the link to check it out, it is well worth it.

A Caregivers Confession, Half of Me Wants To Live, Half Wants to Die

There is so much going on in life right now that it has prevented me from posting in The Virtual Pew for awhile. You see, my wife Mary Jane is at stage 4 of pancreatic cancer and we don't know what the future holds. I have earned about being a caregiver and what is going to follow is a confession of sorts and a cry and plea for help and understanding in other ways.

I have found, that some of the only people who truly understand are others who have either gone through the battle with this thing called cancer, or those who have cared for them.  Others, often including family, have no idea and the support that come from some is life saving and the judgment from others that have one at times wanting to give up and just die themselves.

Here is the truth, something I have always tried to share, I find myself between the battle ground of wanting to die and end all of this, while at the same time feeling that way, and wanting to live. I find myself at times, doing so much that I don't care if I take my own medications and at other times, thinking I want to live to fight this thing and have some life of solitude when it is all said and done. I am afraid more times than not that the desire to just die is going to win out.

My last doctors visit was not good, my blood pressure was 187/128, everything that was supposed to be up was down and everything that was supposed to be down, was way up. In short, I am a walking heart attack right now. Little sleep, high stress, and everything else adds to my own issues. In all of this, I can't tell you the tremendous guilt I feel just sharing this as doing so makes me feel selfish, greedy, uncaring and more, in part, because I have seen and witnessed the judgment, judgment for things like, yes, yelling at my wife to follow doctors orders because if she don't she surly dies.  You see she has a chance to beat this thing and the doctors and nurses have affirmed I am doing something good in helping her and making her do whatever she needs to do, be that eating, drinking or whatever. I have seen the consequences and results of being transported by ambulance to the hospital because her blood sugars drop out because she is not eating, I have had to deal with Chemo Brain (a concept I never knew about until this,) things like pouring protein drink on her feet while she is watering her flowers, or so she thinks, times that she doesn't know the names of her children and can't think of my name, things like pouring vomit down the bathtub, and I could go on and on. Some of those most critical of course are among the very first to tell us, "If you need anything, let us know." Yet, when you ask them for help, to sit with her for a bit, or something else, they can't be found. I could go on and on here, but will leave it at that, but all of these compounded with everything else is, let's say, sometimes beyond bearable.

Right now, I want to live, this is a clue to that as it is a sort of crying out. I am reminded this Thanksgiving that there are those who do care, from a far, and some from close by, that have gone out of their way to see to it that we have a great holiday together as a family. A holiday together that could be our last. Yet, there are also those who do harm. I could say more, maybe someday I will, but my wife and I, both college educated with degrees and living in the real world together for 40+ years are not stupid, we have been observing the writing on the wall for some time.

Then we know there are others, family and then some from around the globe that sincerely tells us they wish we were closer, we believe them because over the years we have seen their words put into action. For them, we are thankful, your thoughts and prayers we covet because we know the one you pray to and we know the sincerity of your hearts.

Bottom line, yep, it sucks being a caregiver, I sometimes think and believe it would be easier to be the one dying. Like the Apostle Paul, I truly understand the concept that to die is gain.  I know there are those who will say things like, "hang in there she needs you."  I know that, but she needs me more than ever because so few are willing to do what is necessary to keep both of us going.

Again, caregivers will understand, they have been through the depression, the loneliness, the feelings of being overwhelmed, the thoughts that the ones they love would be better off without them, the thoughts that they can't do it anymore, the judgment that is pressed upon them by those who have no idea, and I could go on, and on, and on.

What will the future hold?  I have no idea, I am fighting to see what today will hold, what the next few hours will hold. I don't have that much time to worry about, or think about tomorrow.

I’ll leave it at that for now, other than to say, if you are a caregiver, I understand. If you know someone who is a caregiver, give them the support, the love they need. Try to understand and the best way to understand is to be there if at all possible. Otherwise, be cautious about being critical of those going through these tough times, as the old saying goes, "…..until you have walked in their shoes."

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There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone Kid at mike@furches.org You can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/.

Hopefully, you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word. Here is our contact information

The Virtual Pew
1249 N. St. Francis
Wichita Kansas, 67214
Email: mike@furches.org

Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew

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