Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 70

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

Today I have to admit, I have people I need to forgive and am having some trouble doing it. I recently had a person I thought was a real friend walk away, he walked away despite the sacrifices my family and I had made on his and his families behalf. The truth is, it hurt, I have no idea why, but he refuses to answer emails, concerns or meet with me for any reason. It hurts and it comes from someone I never expected.

I have learned over the years that I need to let this person go of what I believe is their sin against me and at that point, move on, but it isn’t easy. I have done this in the past and with some situations and people it isn’t so bad, but my life in the ‘religious’ world has me experiencing hurt, pain, rejection and a reason to not trust. I realize I’m not the only one who has experienced this, but in some situations like the one I am in now, I am at a loss, do I tell the person I forgive them and in the process how much they hurt me, or just move on?

I know I need to move on and let go. In this situation, I did nothing wrong, and if anything was taken wrong, I have apologized and asked for forgiveness already, at this point, it is on them to see if they honor and respect the concept of Christian community, brotherhood and so forth. I know and have peace in my heart, I did nothing wrong, that isn’t to say they didn’t perceive something to be wrong, but it was never intended. I can’t control what anyone else does; I can only control what I do. I know my security is in God. I can trust God, I would love to trust the human species, I just don’t know if I can.

My prayer is; God I know I need to forgive, it isn’t easy though. I ask that you and your Spirit help me forgive as you have required. Help me be the person I need to be so I can be free to move on and let go of the pain and hurt.

If you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. ~ Matthew 6: 14, 15

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. ~ Ephesians 4: 31, 32

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