Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Daily Journal for The Recovery From Religious Abuse Day 61

Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.

Man on man how I know how imperfect I am! How I know I have hurt others! Since I am journaling publically, I am not going to list the specifics of who, what, when and where in my posts. I will say that today, halfway through my readings I went online looking for people I need to apologize to and ask forgiveness from. I have done that with some over the years, but I I need to do it with more. I hurt because some of those I have spoken to there is a closeness to, but the damage was still done and it is difficult for things to be like they were or should be as a result of my actions.

I hate what the abuse; specifically the sexual abuse turned me into. I am thankful that I am not that person anymore, but the damage of my sins on others doesn’t change the reality of those I hurt. There is the spiritual abuse others did to me, but while I was hurt and while it is possible others were hurt because of my behavior, I know that was never intentional. I truly feel I have made progress regarding many of the issues surrounding the spiritual abuse I have encountered. That doesn’t change the need to help and do as I can with others I have hurt. I don’t feel guilt since starting my walk with God, but I have a regret and guilt regarding my actions prior to that. I know and have to rely that God’s forgiveness is complete but I need to let others I have hurt know that.

As I looked for people online today, I only found 1. I can think of at least 2 others I need to speak to, and there are others I need to build healthy relationships with. I want that; desire that, because while I have a church and spiritual family, I still care for my physical family. Today, I will send messages to those I can at facebook or wherever, just telling them I love them. Why would I do that? Because I do love them.

Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. ~ James 5:16

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