Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
God sees me as a person of value; it is why he died for me. I realize that sometimes, the person beating me at my core is me. I need to realize, that Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. I must remember that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me. I must remember that God loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me and offer me eternal, everlasting, life. Yet, while I realize these things, I beat myself up with the hurt perpetuated on me by others. Whether a disrespectful church member more into themselves than they are the ministry of the church, or a person who knows me little and makes assumptions about the intent of my heart. I am more, because God sees more in me. That isn’t to say I never sin, but I have been cleansed of my sin.
The heart is at issue here. God knows my heart, I know my heart, and others think they know my heart, but many times they really don’t. At times, maybe I am selfish and people think I am giving, at other times, maybe I am a little harsh, but the intent is out of love to help people move beyond. The bottom line, God knows me, He knows my heart, He sees value in me and He has promise in me.
I need to remind myself that I am to renew my mind, I am to move closer to God, yet in moving closer I will realize and see the promise and hope God has for me. I need to hear and accept God’s truth about my life. I will not let the naysayers bring me down. I will not let those who think they know it all bring me down, especially when I can see the truth of their hypocrisy. I must find my joy in the joy of the Lord for the joy of the Lord is my strength, not the ridicule, rejection, lies, untruth, and the attitudes of those who seek to tear down and destroy without searching for the truth of their own life.
My God is a loving God, and He sees value in me, I need to see what God sees.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Email: mike@furches.org
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today, I sit back in my recliner, taking it easy. I have to say; I deserve it as it has been an incredibly busy long, repeat, very long few weeks. In the background is the television showing the Royal Wedding and I am listening to the throngs of people celebrate ‘the kiss’ of Prince William and Kate Middleton. (By the way, do they have a last name?)
Over the last few weeks I have been very busy with among other things, our Homeless Clubhouse Program through Mosaic. For those familiar with the Clubhouse Movement you are aware of what things was like, especially in starting a new program, for others, you may want to do a YouTube search on either Fountain House Clubhouses, or the International Center for Clubhouse Development to get a very small taste. Starting up a program like this, likely the first of its kind for the homeless, plus carrying out the responsibilities of a pastor has provided a long trying week, consisting of 6 AM – 8 PM days over the last weeks. But the week has consisted of more than just that, not all good, not all bad.
I normally like getting the bad out of the way first so here you go, but make sure to read until the conclusion.
The first thing that hits home is the lack of rest. I just went through 17-straight-days of working, with no break, not time off. This leads to exhaustion, especially when those days average out to be 14-hour-days. When I got home; I watched an episode of Jag on the DVR, and went to bed. I don’t think I have ever been as exhausted, but there is more.
The other night our son was coming home from work. He was driving my wife’s car and stopped at a convenience store. He went to leave, and the car was whacked. It wouldn’t start and for the brief moment it did, it made an awful sound of clanking. We had a tow truck tow the car off to a friend, leaving my wife and me one car. We were now putting in longer days as we were down to one car and having to go in to work together, either her being dropped off early or me being dropped off early. There is nothing like an even longer day in an already long day.
One of difficult things that lead to the next area is finance. To say the least it has been tough this month. The last thing we need is another expense in the repair of a car, if it can be repaired. We will know more tonight but it is still going to cost money we don’t have. With a salary for me of around $1,250 since the first of the year from the church, and the royalties yet to come in from the book, (kind of like the music industry where I know sales are taking place, but the checks aren’t here yet). It is getting tough, especially when our family tries to live modestly and gives away more than some think we should.
Another frustrating thing; many know of the difficulty with The Virtual Pew website over the last year. I finally had a fine fellow volunteer to help out. We were making progress, it looked like things were going to be working, and then the domain registration runs out and the renewal of the website, which costs money, is due. Needless to say, the web site is down, and once Michael (the friend donating his time to help) gets the site finished, I will have to come up with the funds to pay for the host.
There is another area that was difficult this week. I won’t say much, but all I have, all I believe in regards to my relationship with God is due in large to David Wilkerson. It was at one of his crusades I gave my life to Jesus Christ. I have a video I may try to find, convert and post of me sharing about that event. This last week he was killed in a car accident in Texas. While he later taught some things I disagreed with, mainly his perspective on Contemporary Christian Music, I still likely wouldn’t have what I have without him. His ministry, his life, and the message he preached about Jesus introduced me to my salvation. I grieve over his loss.
There is more I could write about, like how the worst thing is that with all of the stress, with all of the pressure, the worst thing is how I have felt pity on myself, and felt unappreciated. Most of the time, the sacrifice are worth it, but I just want to feel appreciated for the effort. Am I wrong for that?
To put some light on the positive I will start with that part about feeling appreciated. I recently reviewed the book, Recovering from Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom by Jack Watts. I also interviewed Jack in the process and decided to do something different. The book is more than a novel or self-help-book, it is a recovery plan for people that have gone through religious abuse and it includes a 91-day journaling process. I decided to go through the experience myself. As of this writing I have posted 18 days of the journal experience, although I am on day 28. The book has been a God send as it has become my daily devotional and is helping me deal with things. I have realized something I have realized in the past but I sometimes forget, I have to look at life as God intends and accept the love, appreciation, and respect God has given me. I have to view life the way God sees me, not the way others see me. This experience has been critical in helping me get through the last weeks. You will likely see the honest struggle, and ups and downs as you read the journal entries. The fact that God would use this book at just the right time is a real God send.
I am also blessed because one of the reasons I am tired is a lot is happening at Mosaic Church, not just in the day program, but the church. In the last weeks at church we have continued to grow. Many of those coming are homeless. There are others, but there other issues related to the homeless. One is the homeless don’t have funds to contribute, although there was a man who gave .13 last week. I only know because I was blessed when someone told me about it. Now don’t take this wrong, but understand, we aren’t doing what some places do, that is welcome them, feed them, we are trying to plug them into church by inviting them to play on the worship team, be a part of teaching times, even teach when qualified. They have responded amazingly, wanting to help paint, hang signs, cook and other things. It is simply an amazing and beautiful thing to see. To see God work in the lives of people often neglected is something that money can’t buy.
Another blessing for us is that one of the friends we are close to at church is a mechanic. Buckey and Jenni have blessed us so many times, in ways they don’t even realize. Bucky is working on the car and that saves us a ton of money. Sometimes the gift of service is as good as money; we have seen that not only in the help with The Virtual Pew Web site, but also the car. Buckey has been great and while we pay for parts we simply couldn’t come close to managing without his love to our family. His wife Jenni and he are other examples of how God gives back.
Another blessing for the church is that Hope Community Church contributed finances to the church to help. While I don’t know if that will have any impact on my family, I know that ultimately God is the provider and He will meet our needs, he continues to meet the needs of the church, so why not mine. I have seen others come through and help the church with things like cash donations, buying food for the homeless or buying needed items for the church. To see others serve the least of these is a tremendous blessing. I don’t know if people understand how much I am blessed when I see their willingness to give but I am deeply moved. The church has been providing meals every Saturday and Sunday for some time now. To see what our people are doing and how others are touched is amazing. Last week alone, the little church that could, saw over 350 people participate and use our facility whether for feeding or church activities.
Another thing taking place is the Mosaic Clubhouse Day Program. I loved working in the Clubhouse Movement back in the day and am pleased to have made the contributions to improving the lives of the Mentally Ill. I am taking the Fountain House Concept in applying a day program for the homeless. It is totally different, and to my knowledge, nothing like this has ever been done specifically using this model, (long recognized as the top rehab model for the mentally ill) for the homeless. We are far exceeding expectations in this program and yesterday, in a model where people are working in the program, developing ownership and membership, we had 25 people involved and the numbers continue to increase.
In the clubhouse concept we focus on work from 9 AM – 3 PM and before and after that are allowances for recreational activities. Of course, many people find ways to continue working or doing things like building relationships. I had a homeless individual tell me this week that he had never seen anything like it. ‘I have never seen the homeless working together or getting ownership like they are getting here, this is amazing. Mike what you are doing is going to make a difference.’ Of course I know there are others involved in helping this happen, Barb and Chris Atherton from Mosaic have been there as volunteers virtually every day for the duration of the work-ordered-day, there have been others like John Stinson who has been there bringing supplies, or Sharon or Sherry who has donated or brought by food. Then there is Richard Augustas and Novus Orsa who has helped in providing services and help. Those who come and see the program at work, quickly see something remarkably different and good.
As a result of our work with the homeless we had the Interfaith Homeless Coalition, AECH group meet at our facility this last Tuesday evening. They saw first hand the work that is taking place and were impressed with the things we are doing. There is more to do, but I know, I am involved in something that is making a difference in the lives of people. It is growing, and it is a beautiful thing to be a part of. I can’t help but think God is pleased with the efforts of all involved.
There is another thing I have enjoyed as a part of the experience. Yes work is sometimes hard, sometimes stressful, but work can also be fun. The last couple of weeks have had highs and lows. The highs had me believing and knowing that it was one of the best spiritual highs I have experienced in my walk with Christ. To know that I am making a difference in the lives of others, and at the same time, growing in my relationship with God is an incredible place to be. There are times that have been low though, those normally center on finance and the need to feel appreciated especially when at the moment, I don’t know how I am going to have gas to put in my car beyond Wednesday of next week with all of the commitments I have between now and then. I realize there are more pressing needs though, the needs of those at our program who have little food, no respect, little or no money, no bed to sleep on, and often times, the places they have to stay, according to them, treat them like objects instead of human beings. There are certainly those who have less and need far more than I do.
In the fun things I have also realized something else as I sit here typing, with new callused fingers. I have been at 3 PM playing and practicing music with a homeless individual in the Mosaic Clubhouse Program. George is a phenomenal guitar player. Chris Atherton had an electric guitar he bought from home that George loves to play. He has an acoustic guitar, but he has missed playing his Classic rock n roll. So with the guitar and the Marshall stack we have, he has started playing again. I have wanted to play this style of music again for a long time and George has provided that, working my fingers off. He is a perfectionist, and while his teaching style is at times a little confusing, he has me playing every day, learning new licks, and making progress in playing music I love. We plan on playing each Saturday during the feeding times at Mosaic between 1:30 and 3:30. From Bob Seeger to The Beatles and Stevie Ray Vaughn, we are having fun.
In his playing George has inspired me. We have spent a lot of time talking. He has shared that he has serious blockage on his heart and is supposed to be taking nitro pills, which he can’t afford. We have spoken about how many think free health coverage is available for those that need it at the emergency room. Some of us know the truth of how that isn’t true. He has shared how no one except his elderly mother cares for him. It is why the Clubhouse Program is important; he has a place to come to and make friends. He needs money, a job, but with his heart condition doesn’t know how he can do it. He has admitted a substance abuse problem in the past but is doing better now. I have seen his face light up with a smile as he picks up the guitar each afternoon to ‘jam’. Of course I have seen him roll cigarettes as well. He’ll give another homeless person a cigarette if that person will roll 5 for him. He wants to quit, even went to the doctor who told him he had to quit because of his heart. He asked for help, he has tried the patch, and other things but he thinks the gum is what he needs, but it costs money. He asked the doctor for help and got some great advice, ‘Just quit!’ the doctor said. That doctor also said his office don’t give out samples of medication. Obviously the doctor doesn’t understand the addiction, neither does he understand the pressures this man, who is incredibly talented endures. He often sleeps in his truck in one of the 2 churches parking spaces; he has a place to belong, a place to call home.
When I look at George, I have little reason to complain. George inspires me, but he is only one of many, there is Mike who is hurting and has been hurt by others in ‘authority’, another Mike who is owed $420 from a man he has painted for over the last 2 weeks but the man refuses to pay him, and then Gary who makes me smile every day by teasing me. Gary even sleeps in an abandoned car on Saturday nights so he can walk to church on time on Sunday morning. If he stays at the mission, he gets bullied and pushed around and sometimes misses the bus because he has a bad foot. I don’t know, when it really comes down to it, do I have a reason to complain. I guess the only reason I may have is towards those who choose to not help, don’t think the work we do is valuable, and in return turn their backs on the very people Jesus commands us to love.
I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t even know how I can do the things I am called to do, unless God provides. What I do know is that God provides. He knows the needs of the sparrow, He knows my need. He knows the needs as well of those on the street. I also know that sometimes, He calls people to meet those needs who have the means, of course there is this thing called free-will. Will those people listen, will they respond? I don’t know, I can only control one thing, that is to be the best husband, father, grandfather, pastor, brother, friend, disciple that I can be. It isn’t easy, but is it worth it? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVCe0oWdnrE
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Email Mike@furches.org
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
Today is a kind of strange place for me to be in regards to the journaling process. To be honest, I don’t blame God for the situations I am in, have been in or will be in. There was a time I did that, but not the last number of years. I have been able to see the differences between the actions of God, and the actions of those who call themselves followers of God.
I do desire recovery, I desire to move beyond, but there seems to be something that digs at my soul, my spirit that at times has me wanting to get even or get back at those who have hurt me. I realize in this area that I am not at the place God would have me. Is it natural to want to get back? How do I respond to these desires? Are the desires ever appropriate? Does anyone stand up against those who hurt, abuse, and treat others in an inappropriate way, all in the name of God? I don’t know these answers.
In my journey, I often get asked when doing presentations as to why me? Or maybe, how have I overcome? The truth is I know I have a long ways to go on my journey. I am not yet at the place God would have me. I also know there are those who are at times called to bring awareness and attention to those who would do harm, and misspeak the ways of God. I have been told that people never need to do that; God will take care of himself. While I know God can deal with it, I am just not convinced that we should remain silent when we see the wrongs, or the falsehoods presented in the name of God. It is here, that I know I need clarity, direction, and healing.
I know God is good, I know He cares for me. I am convinced He has been there with me all along the way, including the times I have cursed and questioned Him. I just need delivery in the way He wants; I can ask for God to bring me to the place He wants. I am hesitant though to forget about the past, the abuser, and the hurt because I am not sure that is what God wants. I know of His healing, I know of His love, I don’t know that he would have me address the hurts and pains others perpetuate on others in the name of God. I know that at times God calls people forth to speak on His behalf, I want to be careful, I don’t want to abuse or hurt anyone, but I honestly don’t know if I am ready to let go either. That isn’t to say I don’t want there to be a place of love and forgivingness, I do, but I want to follow the ways of God, not just God. I honestly believe that when I follow God I will follow His ways. To hold each other accountable to do the same is something I desire for myself.
God would have me find peace, of that I am sure. Peace is not always an easy place to find, but my primary relationship has to be with God. I am confident; it is the place God would have me. I think God would tell me, that it is in Him that I find my assurances, my hope, not people. I can look at the longevity of our relationship, and know that while there have been mistakes on my part, that it has been a good relationship, with growth and progress. I think God would also tell me to look at the consistency of those who make it difficult at times. When one has gone through so many broken relationships, I need to be careful to use caution and judgment when they give me advice on things like relationship or marriage. When I have spent time in the Word, and others question or use the wisdom of men, or political parties, I need to have confidence that my assurance is in God, not my country, or a political party. There are those who would hurt, be critical yet they don’t walk in the light of God and make excuses why they aren’t becoming like Jesus. I think God would tell me to remember that when I am hurt by others, or when others choose to reflect on my past by using scripture out of context, to remember, that even the Devil uses scripture, and the way scripture is used is critical in the determining what is appropriate, and what is not appropriate.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
I hate pity parties, but I have to admit, at times I seem to have thrown the biggest pity parties ever along with the world’s smallest violin. I have to wonder, does the complaining, does the pity help in the relationships I need. As I have just written about some of that, I also realize the need to move on, but it isn’t easy, in fact, it is pretty stinking hard. I have to remember the verse for the day though:
Jeremiah 29:11 (Contemporary English Version) I will bless you with a future filled with hope--a future of success, not of suffering.
I have to focus on the future, not the past. I can’t forget the past, but I can’t dwell on the past, I need to dwell on the things God has for me. At that point, I I can begin to see a new horizon, a horizon filled with hope as opposed to despair.
I ask others that are reading this, to journey with me, help me, if you think I am throwing a pity party in something I write, or if you think I am dwelling on the past for misery sake; please, say something to me. I am not talking about when I challenge others or am looking at past experiences to help others. I know, there will be times folks will say something regarding the pity parties, and they will be right, then there will be other times where they have maybe misunderstood what I have said. That doesn’t change the reality though, that even if looking at the past, I should only glimpse at the past, I should only go there briefly, my sight, my goals should be on the future, not the suffering of the past.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
I realize that the jokes and the names over the years continue to have an impact on me. I have always been heavy; I realize my overeating was likely a way of coping with the abuse. It has carried over into my adulthood where I now have diabetes. I am insulin dependent, take shots 4 times a day, am still over weight, and yes, names and words do carry lasting pain. It is unfortunate; there is still pain to endure.
As I write this I am a week out of Easter. I am somewhat ahead of the postings where people read this so I don’t know for sure how close to Easter I will be when people read this, that said, there is resurrection power. My friend Rob Cassels wrote the song Resurrection Power some years ago, that power is available to each of those who follow Jesus. Despite the followers of Jesus having that power, much still abuse and hurt others. I am reminded of the lies, judgment, and hateful, untrue, unchristian confrontation of two people, Randy and Tony. There unwillingness to try and resolve hurt, to resolve misunderstanding, and to instead call me things like a ‘sick pathetic loser,’ and speak blatant lies, which I have documented and made available to others who have heard the criticism. Why do they in the ‘name of God’ or in the ‘spirit’ of ‘christian love’ do these things and spew this hatred? They do this because I give allegiance to God and God alone instead of the flag. It still hurts. It hurts that in the name of Jesus, people still chose to hurt and abuse. I should have known better, but I still long for a good relationship where love is the evidence of a God. Yet, outside of my relationship with God, and a few others, I seldom experience that.
I am somebody though! In my Easter message I am going to speak on how we say things like ‘We don’t deserve God’s love’ but that devalues God because God sees value in us. We need to see the same value in ourselves that God sees; we are somebody, we are of value, and we were worth the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. I have to change the concepts of the word we here to me and I. I am worth it, I am of value to the creator of the universe!
I will address my love for myself in the next weeks. I will seek to see the value in me that God sees. It is hard to eat right, eat on time, eat the right things, but it is a part of how I still abuse myself. I have to work harder at doing the things I need to do to take care of my physical and spiritual body. My age, my diabetic condition doesn’t help, but neither does it change the need to mentally stop the abusive, and self defeating behavior. There are so many that have the Randy’s and the Tony’s in their life. Their abusive behavior has continued for the duration of their ‘christian’ lives. I should have known better when Tony took me into the woods after a visit to a Hell-Fire and Brimestone Church in his van with others to blast away at me because my hair was too long for them. He doesn’t like me retelling that story, but the truth is the truth. Randy is no different, to give, to love, to help out, in his need, to only have him tell lies about my request of him when my mother was sick in his town and I asked him to visit her and my sister. I still hold animosity towards these two, because I and others know the truth. Yet they likely continue their hatred and unChrist like approach, it is in their knowing it all, in their hypocritical walk that I have to learn to realize, there is more, there is better, there is truth. It is measured by scripture, which lives by and follows. When seeking resolution and they then find their own reasoning for not following Biblical instruction, I know who and what is of God and what and who is not. I am reminded by the words of Scripture, ‘By this we will know who is my disciples and followers, he who keeps my commandments.’ When unwilling to follow Biblical guidelines as to healing disputes, it is clear, who is, and is not willing to follow Christ’s commandments. Letting something go, is not making resolution. It does not heal; it does not give glory to the work that Christ can do through his spirit.
Today I am supposed to write about the things that I am frightened of in regards to reconnecting with God. I am frightened to do what is right in regards to confronting at times people who have hurt me. Those aren’t pleasant things for me to do. I know that in many cases rejection still is going to exist and it is still going to hurt. The truth is though, I feel connected to God, maybe that is due to the place I have come to over the last years in dealing with the writing of my own book on my abuse. I realize though, there are still the ‘Christians’ who hurt me, who don’t believe in me, or the work I am involved in. I honestly think at times though that is a reflection on a society, not a person, although people make up our society. I don’t like conflict, yet I even like less having to hold on to and let go of pain, pain created by not just the abusers of my past, but those contemporary abusers, who in the name of Jesus, writhe in the joy of hurting others, even those trying to follow and practice the teachings of Jesus. I am grateful I am not who I was, I sometimes want to be, but I can’t let myself go there. If I was who I once was, there would be other ways to deal with those who abuse me. I am not a little, scared boy anymore. I have acted out at times after fighting those things in my life. I pray to not go there again though.
I will try to do better though; try to understand my own poor habits, my own attitudes that do not promote the positive aspects of my walk with God. In areas where I have been hurt and failed, I will try to do better. Today as I write this it is my wife’s birthday. I didn’t have much to give her but for some reason I realize that I have a need to reward others with material things. I know in my heart those material things are the least important thing I can give, I still am at that place and ended up spending money on my wife that I really didn’t have or could afford. Those are the types of things I do, although I realize it is my own starving for attention, appreciation, love and acceptance. God sees me as more, I have to start seeing myself as more, I am afraid that without the gifts of material things, I will be rejected by those whose love I need, want and desire.
God help me accept myself for who I am, help me be smart financially and in that, realize that my love for others is not conditioned on me buying things for them. Help me to let go of the hurt others have, and some continue to dispel towards me. Help me stand up for what is right, what is just, and what is holy, despite the attitudes and abuse, some still choose to direct my way.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
Abuse, what are the impacts and how has it impacted me? Hmmmm, let me count the ways. It is kind of crazy, last night I was speaking to a group of at risk youth, kids who have been in trouble with the law for one reason or another, kids who have had family issues that prevent them from living with their families. I see the cycle often, the loss of hope, the hatred towards religion, and ongoing suffering. I try to be honest in these things; I realize the pain will likely never leave these kids. I know because it has never fully left me, yet there is the expectation by many, to forgive and forget, of course this comes from those who have been abusive in one way or another, for me, it was many who sinned against me that say to ‘forgive and forget’ and things of the sort.
What have I lost? I lost my childhood, my innocence, an appropriate perspective of sexuality, many hours of sleep, at times needing sleep aids, and I have lost confidence, I have lost, lost, lost. I could go on, I know God heals, God forgives the wrongs but there are scars that will likely be there until the day I die.
I would love to let it all go, to ‘move on’ as some have suggested. God will provide the healing I need, He has already provided more healing than I deserve for I have my own sin issues. But I anticipate the day I receive full healing, the day I enter Heaven. I can relate to the Apostle Paul when he says that to die is gain. I have a life to live though; I have people to help with the help of the Holy Spirit. I want to continue to progress. I would love to have a family like most people. I guess in some ways maybe I do, I don’t know, the family I have is the Christian friends I have. It is in Christ that I have found my real family, but I realize that for many of them; that impacts me more than them. I am often the one in need of a family, they often have one. The relationships from North Carolina, Kansas, Oklahoma, California, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina beyond is not lost on me. People in these places and others have touched me and became the family I never had. I can’t blame them if they don’t understand the hurt that forced me to see them this way. I don’t complain much about this, but I do hurt and grieve. I would like to have a longstanding relationship with a friend; someone I could call brother or sister.
What would life look like to have a friend to spend time with, watch a movie with, have dinner with, and to celebrate holidays with? I sort of have that with my immediate family; my children have never really known an uncle, an aunt, a grandma, or a grandpa though. As crazy as it sounds, if this family existed for me, it would be like Heaven.
I don’t know how to make these things happen because I need others to recognize the hurt and pain I have gone through. I don’t even know if my own family, my wife and children fully understand this. One day, maybe they and others will read these words and understand the long-standing pain I have gone through. Then maybe they and others can understand why the comments like, ‘move on’ or ‘it will be better’ hurts more than helps.
I pray that my God will allow these things to happen. I will say this, the best, most open and honest relationship I have ever had is with the one I blamed at one time, God. I am grateful for that. I have a God that cares, and I will be with him for an eternity. At that time, I will have my family; I will have the things I long for. Until then, I pray that God, in only the way He can, make these things happen for me.
Today I will quote a passage that comes with each part of the journal process. While I haven’t posted it on other journal entries, it just seems appropriate today:
Remember the word to Your servant, In which You have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me. The arrogant utterly deride me, Yet I do not turn aside from Your law. – Psalm 119: 49-51
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
One of the things I tend to do is be ‘blunt’ with people, I say what I think. Unfortunately sometimes, without taking the other person into consideration I think I have hurt people. I am trying to do better, I have used the excuse that most of my bluntness is towards those in the church, but I have to ask myself the question, is this fair, is it true, has being honest in fact, hurt me, and/or hurt others? Has my being blunt hurt people and a part of me dealing with my issues of being hurt? I know there are times I have been wrong, but I also know I have improved over time. I try to be sensitive to others and more honest with God. I have tried being honest with God; I know that he knows the truth. In my being ‘blunt’, I also realize I have hindered and hurt some relationships that had the potential to be worthwhile and meaningful. Through reminders from the Holy Spirit, I try to be better at this. I ask the Holy Spirit to remind me of the things I need to work on.
Today I realize: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
I realize that as I confess my sins, my wrongs, I need to throw them away. God has forgiven; it is time to move on.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
Today’s theme deals with bitterness. I have to admit, over the years I have been bitter and still am about some things, especially finances. To have some in the name of religion force either their beliefs on me and at the same time when my family and I have made the sacrifices we have hurts. My bitterness isn’t at God, but at individuals.
I have been told at various times that others have recognized my bitterness. I also think the way they tell me makes me in some ways, even bitterer.
At times I respond in a defensive way, never really recognizing or owning up to the point that I am, and have been bitter. Normally when confronted with this, I have denied it but I realize now more than ever of the feelings that have been within me. It is possible those feelings have given the wrong impression. I don’t know? I do know that my faith experiences, specifically with Christians have not been as positive as they could be. I have seen more abuse, and hurt than I have love and concern from others, at least in a real way. I guess this is one way I respond and do the things I have done, I also realize though; it doesn’t make my response right.
I get angrier at these things than I should. I don’t know though. Do those who follow Jesus have a responsibility to be like Him? I think they do and at times, God must be upset by the actions of people. I work to not get angry at God, but there are times I certainly question and maybe border on being mad at Him. I think God can handle it though. I don’t think he holds it against me. I see examples of this with others in the Bible, from the prophets to the apostles. Even Jesus expressed at times his frustration and concern.
I recognize my own need to be careful about getting angry. While at times the anger may be deserved, I have to make sure it doesn’t come out on the wrong people. I wonder if that is a part of the cycle others go through? I continue to ask for healing in these areas. May I be a bright light that shines hope and inspiration, not despair and abuse.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
Today starts a new day; I realize that I have been abused by religion. It took me through Day 8, 9 before I realized this, but I am glad I did. You can go back to see my comments on Day 8 and 9 to see what I am speaking of. I am taking the time to do the exercises as outlined in the book; Recovering From Religious Abuse, 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom written by: Jack Watts. While I know that hurt and abuse as described and presented in the book are two different things, I have come to the understanding that in regards to taking advantage of me I have in fact been abused. I will admit, one of my greatest concerns is I may have at times abused religion. I don’t think I have but this journey will help me understand where I am at and in the process help others as I journal each day with the steps outlined in the book.
Today that I have healing that I need, but I also have forgiveness to offer those who have constantly misused scripture all together, or at the least, used it to satisfy their own selfish desires. Their constant ridicule over the years had formed an opinion within me that at times doesn’t mirror the attitude of Christ. I have improved over the years, but I know there is a long ways to go before I resemble Jesus in the way I should.
It hasn’t been easy to hear and see people misuse scripture to justify their beliefs. Jesus offered more than that; he offered a relationship that I should be sold out too to the max. He offered His all for me, can’t I give of myself back to others in an honest way. I know I am doing better in many areas; my spiritual life has made a ton of progress. I need to work on my emotions though. There are many scars that haven’t had the chance to heal. There are physical consequences as a result. The need to let my God heal all is evident, not just the spiritual, but the emotional and physical. It starts in my mind, yet, over the years, it has unfortunately been impacted by those who refuse to follow Jesus example.
Make sure to check the blog archive to follow this journal through its entirety, plus an interview with author Jack Watts and the review of the book.
To see the video posted below click on the video. If the video isn’t at full scale or doesn’t show up, click on the following link:
Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.
Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
The Virtual Pew 6441 N. Hydraulic Park City Kansas, 67219
Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
