Monday, June 22, 2009

I Could Say A Lot Of Things, But What I Will Say Is

I don’t know how to feel right now, in fact I don’t know if I even want to share how I feel about anything right now. There is the good stuff, heck that is easy, there is the hard stuff, shoot, even that is easy, but then there are the painful things, the confusion, frustration, hurt, anger and all. There is the feeling of how do I survive everything I am going through? Where are the friends? Has this ministry really helped anyone? Why do Christians still take advantage of others? I could go on and on. Please, understand, today is more for me than anyone, and I really don’t want any sympathy or anything like that, I am actually kind of sick of false or fake sympathy, but that is another story. I am busy, I know God has used me to bless, help and touch others, but I am tired, I need time for me, but when I take that time others suffer, even today, a 50 so year old woman was trying to justify to me why she wouldn’t involve the law when children were being abused. “God help those children, God teach those adults a lesson about the pain.” I know, hard words but it is how I feel. I won't even touch on the wrestling bruhaha here in Kansas at the moment. It is amazing though, people treat your son like crap and then expect him to come back and be treated like crap some more. People are users, you give and give, and then it seems like some, (far from all, thank God!) think some are dumb enough to walk back and be treated like crap again, like any of us enjoy that.

Let’s see, an explanation of what has gone on so far this week may be of benefit. There is this band SHEL who is staying with our family for around a week, and the blessings I have seen in this family have kept me going. More on this in a future article, but for now, I have a new brother, a new sister, Lynn and Andrew, and to the girls, know this, a middle age man has learned and been blessed not just from your music, although your music has been incredible, but your lives and relationship with each other is a real thing of beauty and a lesson you will teach and show so many people your career progresses, and rest assured, it will progress.

There is a need I have to go to Tennessee, mixed in with all kinds of other things. I have concerts to play with my wife on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday yet, and on top of that, realizing I may miss at least one of those dates. My sister and I, (mainly my sister because she has been there) had to sign a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order with the hospital my mom is in. My emotions have been happy, sad, confused and more. I would be lying if I said I haven’t shed more tears this week than I have shed in a long time. It is likely my mom will not live more than a few weeks as of this writing. It would also be a lie to say I haven't been blessed more this week than I have in a long time. Let me explain.

Earlier in the week I got a certified letter in the mail, I wrote a little about that last week but it was an incredible blessing when I was expecting an incredible let down. I have spent time with my son; I have been so blessed to get to be with him. While I have expected and practiced tough love, at this point in time, I have never, repeat, never quit loving and wanting the most for my son. I also saw a movie yesterday; I know, I know, a movie? Yep a movie, I went to see UP a review on that later, but what a blessing to see art with an incredible message. This movie had all of that.

I have also had the privilege of working with my wife and her band, also with a loving, serving and caring wife and a wonderful son in law that is as much as any father could ever want for his daughter. Then there is the church where I have the absolute honor and blessing of serving. Let it be clear, while there are some kinks to work out for Mosaic Wichita, there is hope, there are people who clearly love God and want to serve. I find it such a blessing and honor to serve God’s people as their under shepherd.

That is about it for the moment, I wish I had more to say, I wish I had more “meaning: and “life lessons” in this but I just had to put a few words down on paper. I guess if I know anything, while my confidence in people is still strained at times, God finds ways of showing real people in my path that show real love. While I have been hurt, there has been love, while there has been doubt, there has been God. I know that because I have seen God in the lives of those who has shown me love, and been there, including some girls and their family from Colorado, a loving wife, two beautiful children, a son in law, and real friends from a real church. To those who groan, grieve and pray for me, thank you, thank you for allowing me to be real, and allowing me to be who God created me to be.

I have to play the video of the girls who have kept my week from being so tragic. The song is uplifting, but so are the girls. Their only fault is they don't like Mama Mia, but other than that, they would be perfect. To watch the video, just click, otherwise click on the following link.

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