Saturday, June 9, 2007

Birthdays, Friends, and Dying, Faith in Film Group / 3 in 1

First: Faith in Film will meet tonight at the Furches household, call or email for more info if in the Wichita area. The movie will be Mike’s choice, those there will be given a choice of two films, we will pick one of those, watch it, and then discuss it. It is also a birthday bash so we will be cooking out around 5:30. Those that want to bring something to cook out needs to bring it. On to the article for the day, Birthdays & Friends

Today is one of those days and I’ll be honest I don’t know how to feel. You see, today is my birthday and truth is, birthdays have always been one of those confusing times for me. Yea, most people celebrate on their birthday, but most people have learned it is a day of celebration. I have never learned that, in fact. I can’t recall much of my upbringing where any holiday was good. I think part of that is growing up in a tough environment and an abusive home. I know folks don’t like to hear that, but it is the way it is. Those demons still haunt me, still cause pain. Even yesterday, getting a phone call from my mother was tough. Tough for a lot of reasons I won’t go into here but bottom line, I never really knew my birth mother, and had some serious issues with what I did know. I still don’t now her to be honest, and to be even more honest don’t know if I want to. I try, but for those who have gone through abuse, both physically and sexually, they will know the difficulty I face. God has been good and helped me, but it doesn’t take away from the near impossibility of developing a relationship. Some cringe at that, but they don’t know the demons I have faced or the abuse I have gone through. Even at my now 48 years of age, those things hurt more than most will ever know, thank God, those of us that do know would never want our experiences to be experienced by those we love. Only a person who has gone through abuse would even begin to understand, and for far too many of us, it is more pain than most can bare.

On this point, I would say, don’t give me, or anyone else who has gone through the abuse pity, we hate it, we hate it because it fails to understand the thing we need most. The things we need most is friends who understand, friends who care, and friends who love, no matter what. Not the make believe, often times MySpace types of friends where we make an acquaintance just to make ourselves look better, but a real, honest to goodness, friend that loves, cares, understand, and wants to be there for us kind of friend. I want the kind of friend girls often have, and the kind of friends that guys seldom have. I guess that is the curse of being a guy, we are supposed to be macho and all of that. Well, excuse me here, but that is crap. Men need friends, the kind of friends that can be there, be buddies, and share the things that hurt, as well as do the macho fun guy things. It is tough, I have learned there are all kinds of people in this world who will call you friend, then stab you in the back. It isn’t that they do just that though, they have to dig and dig the knife around a little more to give more pain. Unfortunately, that is often the types of friends in life we have, especially those of us who have been abused and look for friends, but often end up only finding friends who hurt us. Do I feel misunderstood? You bet I do, for most of my life I have, I realize that is a part of growing up in the hell I did, a part of the scars that are still there, a part of the healing that will be going on until the day I die, only those who have been hurt in the same ways understand, but those who have been hurt are reluctant to build relationships because of the hurt we have experienced that few others will ever relate to.

Truth is, I don’t just speak just for myself. I assure you that my words will resonate with multitudes of people who have gone through the same experiences as I. We obtain hope in someone or something, only to be let down again and again. We long for, strive for, someone to understand, only to be let down again and again. We realize our scars are a part of the problem but we can’t control the scars that have marred us time after time. We realize we need help, but so many offer help in words and so seldom in actions. It is as if we face a life of struggle with little or no hope, and no one cares, or if they do care, they offer us up empty words that give no resolve.

What can you do to help out people like me, and others who have experienced the same heartache? Love, not just in words though, but in reality. Don’t question our hurts, don’t explain away our feelings, and don’t give us a religious offer of help, truth is, little of that does any good, in fact it tends to make things worse. There is a verse in the Bible, in the book of James that says, Faith without works is dead. Some of us need others working in real love, with works. We realize we are broken, we realize we need help, we realize we need mending and put back together, believe me, after 48 years I have come to conclusions that I know to be true about myself. I don’t need people saying they will pray for me, without putting their prayers into action, I don’t need people offering me Jesus without being willing to be like Jesus, I don’t need people promising me Heaven if they aren’t willing to bring Heaven to me. Doing all of those things, without the actions behind them only hurts me and/or others more because they bring to our attention our broken lives. What we need is a friend, a friend that loves unconditionally and without excuse or desire for our future. We want a friend who loves us here, loves us now, and loves us as we are, broken and fragile.

Truth is, we all need that, we all want that, it just so happens that some of us seem to have never had it, or if we have had it we don’t realize it because of the blinders that have been placed over our eyes because of the abuse and struggle we have gone through. Yea, I know I complain, but the eyes of which we see our surroundings hurt, it hurts so bad that we would please ask to get the log out of your own eye before you start to worry about the splinters in ours. We know the splinter is there, we are reminded of it day by day with the difficulty of our emotions, addictions, and yes even sometimes, our life.

Want to give me a birthday present? Be Jesus, love me for who I am, love me for who he wants me to be, love me with an understanding of the hurt I have gone through. If you can’t do it for me, do it for someone else who is hurting for in many ways, we are one in the same. Now for all of those offering that friendship, that love, thank you, thank you not just for me though, thank you for all of us who can relate to the words I share today.

Many will have issue with the blog today, thinking it offers little hope, to those, I say read again, and realize, I speak for millions of people today, people who I guarantee can relate to the need of real friendship and real love. We realize we are drowning in a cesspool of difficulty and hardship, even self pity, but are you going to let us keep drowning, or attempt to save that which you can? Thankfully the Jesus I serve was willing to go to the depths of Hades and touch those that was ignored by society. He still does that, unfortunately many of his followers have forgotten how to be like Jesus.
Pleasae watch, and pay attention to the following video Concrete Angel by Martina McBride. the facts of the video, while hard to watch, demonstrate the pain that many of us still go through, even after 48 years. If the video appears, click on the video, if it don't click on the following link.

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