It was a small wedding, some folks were shocked we were even getting married as Mary Jane is a little older. Not that much and not uncommon in a lot of circles and certainly the longevity of our relationship and marriage has showed many of those people, wrong. Now a days I feel at times older even though she is fighting pancreatic cancer. I have pains from years of sports like football, soccer, basketball, boxing, and the one that did the most damage to a never little boy, running. The pounding has me with a horrible back and the rupture or tear of an Achilles heel that never had surgery doesn't help.
Truth is, for the overwhelming majority of our marriage it has been great, there have been tough times though, like the stupid period of my life where a lesser woman with less love would have divorced me. Some think success is a way to build a relationship but I learned that success to the level that I was experiencing it was taking time away from my family which had me doing some pretty stupid things. Mary Jane though, while life has not been perfect has been as close to a perfect wife a I could ever have. While I have great regrets at times for my stupidity, in the end, I know how blessed I have been to have this mountain girl, coming from a Christian family and a strong faith in God in my life to help me recognize my weaknesses and keep me growing in my faith. Mary Jane has in essence, been my balance to keep me grounded and from doing stupid things. I honestly don't know how I would have made it without her.
In my book, The Keystone Kid I write about some of this, my
stupidity, my life which was miserable in so many ways and the way God used her
to bring about a real love in my life. While I had the love of God in my life,
although I still struggled with it at the time, I needed an example of what it
meant to be a Godly. Because of the abuse I went through I needed a physical
example of love. God used Mary Jane in a mighty way to show me physical love
and real love from a human perspective. Lately, it hasn't been easy. The cancer takes its toll. There are days that are not good, days that I resort to in some ways the person I used to be. I want her to live, I have fussed at her to do the things she needs to do to stay alive, to have a chance to beat this thing called cancer. In all of that, and in the times I reflect on the love we have had and still experience, I have shed more tears in the last months than I have in my previous almost 60 years of life. Some people don't understand that, they make judgments, all I know, is that as Mary Jane can verify, the doctors and nurses keep telling me to keep on doing what I need to do as whatever it is, is working. It was only a few weeks ago that I was wondering if we would see one more Christmas? Would there be life that was recognizable for Thanksgiving? Truth is, right now we think there is hope, we know for Thanksgiving, we are praying for continued progress for Christmas. And we are really praying for at least one last trip together with our friend The Praters to Lake Tahoe later this year.
There are still hurts though, hurts that drive me crazy like realizing the
situation my wife is going through, after all, it is pancreatic cancer. There
are those we love the most who have let us down, they still find reason to not
be around, few of those reasons in my opinion are justifiable when understanding
the situation Mary Jane is in. There are things I don't understand, things I
can't accept because of the love I have for my wife and the sacrifices I have
seen her make in life for others. She has made incredible sacrifices with
little recognition of what she has done. From the mother she has been to her
children, the unconditional love to her grandchildren, to the 39 years of
teaching in public schools because that is where she felt God would have her
despite her talent and ability to have been able to make it in the music
ministry industry and world. She has given so much to the Mentally Ill, to
develop appropriate race relations in the middle of a prejudiced world and then
to providing so much for the homeless. We have housed prostitutes, prisoners
right out of jail, misguided musicians, and I could go on and on, to sometimes
housing just people having a rough spot in life. She has given literally tens
of thousands of hours and dollars, she has put her pocketbook and calendar to
the test of love. Yet, at the same time being robbed, being called names she
didn't deserve and have others we have shown love to stab her/us in the back
and never shown appreciation. We have had people living with us, helping them for
at least 35 years of our 39 years of marriage, 40 years of being together. I
challenge anyone to show that type of a lifetime of work. The most incredible thing
though, she has endured and put up with me for 40 years. That contribution is
not lost on me. People say they have the best wife, I don't deny that as I think that God provides soul mates if we look for them, surrender to Him and then are obedient to the concepts of marriage as outlined in the Bible. People don't succeed because either they don't have a relationship with God, or they are unwilling to follow His guidelines. As an example, prior to my wife's illness, I still took her out on weekly dates, I still prepared meals for her, I still opened the car door for her and many of the other things you do in a dating, falling in love relationship. Many find excuses to not keep doing those things and then wonder why their marriages fail. I took seriously the scripture that I was to love my wife in the way that Christ loved the church. While I am not perfect, that command has a lot of weight to it.
Enough of all of that, today we won't be able to go out on a date due to the
weather and chemo, we can't go out to a restaurant and eat due to the possibility
of catching an infectious illness, there is a lot we can't do, but, we can sit
together, watch a movie while holding hands. We can share a kiss and say I love
you. We can experience love outside of the physical way we have in the past
because that isn't always possible with cancer either. I can do other things though
like get up and fix her a bowel of cream of wheat which she is wanting for
breakfast. Wait a second, I better get up and fix that cream of wheat, after
all, it is our anniversary. To see Mary Jane's performing my original song, Dancing with Jesus, click on the following video or link. Note the video will not be available until after 5:15 CST November 20, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfDmV_MHelI
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