Lessons Learned After 40+ Years of Helping Others

I have been helping others for over 40 years now, hard to believe for some but true. It all started as a child. I had an uncle who lived with my Grandmother and Grandfather.  They were also helping raise me. Aaron was injured while in the Army in Germany.  He was thrown off a train for flirting with a girl, he became blind and obtained a Traumatic Brain Injury. He later developed what I am confident was schizophrenic tendencies. Now I believe my grandmother did too much for Aaron, there were little things I felt he could do for himself and ultimately he did. One can read about some of that in my book The Keystone Kid. Ultimately there were things he learned from me, like how to tell how much money he had, despite being blind, and what the date was. There were things we could do to improve his memory issues. This is where it started for me, as a child with the desire to help others help themselves which has continued until this day.

Over all of those years there were many mistakes I made, I have been far from perfect, some will even say I have become callused and at times, they may even say, I don't care.  Nothing could be further from the truth but until one has had people they are helping die because not everyone listened to the advice you gave or until you have been robbed or had to file a restraining order against someone who has threatened your life, you just may not know. Yet despite the difficulties, the threats on our lives, and having precious family items stolen, we continue. 

There are things to learn about helping others, one thing to take into consideration is are you really helping, or are you helping them stay in their condition. What is easily debatable is not helping anyone except possibly yourself with good feelings of doing good, however, if not doing good, and you are helping someone stay in their situation, not improving their lives, are you really helping? While I am confident that God has called some to the first line of ministry, I have to wonder, where are those ministries that help people get on their feet and stay there? The bible talks about hope, there is the contribution to hopes and dreams, gifts, and talents that is addressed. While there are those that are called to the 1st step of helping, what is being done to help those you are helping get beyond their situation? Believe me, I am aware of the need of these ministries but I have to ask, what is more important to continually give fish, or to teach one to fish?  I am honored to say, I can point to many individuals, likely hundreds who were dependent on the system, the government, the survive by any means necessary crowd. I can also say there are hundreds who now live in their own homes, have jobs, have found careers, and for many others, maybe they didn't get to the place of total independence but they got to the place where they will tell you they are contributing to the lives of others and improving our world. I like to reference the Bible because that is my measuring stick, so here goes, can you point to fruit in your work?  The Bible is clear, you will tell them by their fruit! That said, fruit is a viable item, it comes about through the pruning process of a tree, the upkeep of a tree, the tree is an incredible creation, but fruit just doesn't happen. There is also the curse of the fig tree, anyone remember that story? Might be worth reading in Matthew 21.

Here are a few things I have learned from my mistakes. First the lesson of Josh. Josh was a friend I invested a lot of time with over the course of 3 years. I invited him to come hear me speak once and he did. While there I pointed him out as an example of how to do something in regards to reaching others. While it wasn't intended, I had turned him from an individual to a project where it appeared it was more important to make myself look good than to treat him like a human being. It was a SERIOUS MISTAKE! I really did love him, but I put my desires above his feelings. That incident cost me years of investment as a friend and no matter how much I tried to mend fences with Josh, it still hasn't happened. 

Now I am not saying this to be negative towards any group or person, I am saying it to illustrate a lesson I learned from my mistake. The example of Josh is one of the reasons I seldom take photos of me and the homeless. I don't want them to think I am taking advantage of them. A few years ago I used a photo that I pulled off of Google via searching "public domain homeless" for The Virtual Pew, what ensued was a nightmare.  I used the photo in an article, even though I did that google, it was apparently owned by someone who had not made it public domain. He was taking photos of the homeless and profiting off them, while at the same time not giving the homeless anything for those photos. I ended up having to make a donation to a library, a homeless program, and some other costs involved.

There is that example but also how for years while working in the music business, I seldom if ever took any photos with any of the music stars I worked with and there were many of them. I hardly ever did it because I thought it demeaned my relationship with them. Now, I don't quite feel that way, it possible and appropriate at times to take the photos, but I am careful, seek permission, I try to always ask them I try to make sure it is okay. I won't use any person as a project, I want to make sure they know I am a friend and with past experiences, I have learned that sometimes, even 2 or 3 years isn't enough time to garnish that trust.  

Another lesson I have learned is the Show Me Principal. For those that don't know, Missouri is known as "The Show Me State." Why is this important? I have learned to trust the call from God, to believe in him, and to also be thankful that sometimes he uses people to follow through with the things they have promised. Today is the day after Thanksgiving, we just finished serving a home style Thanksgiving meal with various homeless people, friends, and family. Once again, a local organization who promised us things, at least 3 if not 4 times now, has once again, not followed through on what they promised. After the first let down a couple of years ago I learned, it is important to have a back-up and from here on out that so called ministries and organizations will have to show me and I just won't believe on blind faith that they will follow through with what they have promised. The promise of something is a heck of a lot different than delivering that something. I follow a faith practice where our yes is to be yes, and our no is supposed to be no. I firmly believe that broken promises aren't to me, they are to those being ministered to. I have learned not to believe those who don't keep their promises, I don't count on them. It burdens me to see other individuals, other ministries get sucked into their lies and or self promotion desires of giving to these groups, why? Simple see the Josh above, where we make people projects instead of seeing them real people is dangerous. It also discredits the value system that Jesus of Nazareth would have us follow, to keep our word, to be people of truth, beyond that, it takes away needed resources from ministries that really care.

The next thing I will conclude with. While there is more I will say, this is what I call The Andre Crouch principle where; "Jesus is the answer for the world today, above him there's no other, for Jesus is the way." Now this will offend some but it is what I believe. I believe the Bible means exactly what it says when it says the following, "What does it profit anyone to gain the whole world and lose their soul?" "There is no other name under Heaven where anyone can be saved (not just a spiritual salvation) other than the name of Jesus." It can be summated in many places through the Bible.

A huge critical part of sharing that belief is in the installation and importance of hope that we are commanded to practice including these verses:

Romans 5:2-5 ~ 2 Christ has also introduced us to God’s undeserved kindness on which we take our stand. So we are happy, as we look forward to sharing in the glory of God. 3 But that’s not all! We gladly suffer, because we know that suffering helps us to endure. 4 And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope 5 that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.

1 Corinthians 15:19 If our hope in Christ is good only for this life, we are worse off than anyone else.

Romans 15:4 For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

There are also quotes that help illustrate some of the lessons I have learned on hope:

“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair...” ― Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Fall of Atlantis

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.” ― J.D. Stroube, Caged by Damnation

Here is a concern I have, it is as if many of those in ministry don't see the potential in the people they are helping in the same way God does. We think it is okay to help keep them in their poverty, whether spiritual or literal, to do little or nothing to help them beyond their situation. The work of the Gospel is hard, we like to make it easy, yet, Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, when he knew very well what the cross implied. There is old adage, God doesn't make junk. This doesn't imply that wealth is a measure of success, but neither does it allow for the dismissal of ones dreams, not matter how good, or how bad their situation. We should be about helping people, helping them stay in their problem is not helping them. I have seen so much effort to keep people where they are at, while giving every excuse why they are not helping them get back on their feet and accomplish their dreams. While there are those called to serve people where they are at, whether they be homeless, employed, or whatever. I believe any ministry should be at least working with others who are helping people obtain their dreams, helping them rediscover a sustainable life as much as possible, moving towards independence. The Bible is clear on this expectation.  

There is another question we have to ask, is the ministry work we do for ourselves or for those we are called to serve? If for ourselves it is easy to not do more, it is easy to allow those we are trying to help stay in their situation. I have said for years; if donating food to a food drive, don't donate things you won't eat, if you don't eat out of dented cans, don't give dented cans. On the flip side, when we help others, if we aren't willing to live in their situation, don't do things that help them stay in their situation. I was homeless for almost 2 1/2 years, living and staying wherever I could find, including a YMCA transient center and I'll be honest, I didn't like it! I like my situation far better now than then. Why would I help someone stay in a situation I didn't like? There is an old saying, we need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before we can understand them.

I recently wrote about the starfish parable where you take a starfish, throw it back in the ocean and while the beach is cluttered with tons of starfish, someone questions what you are doing and saying it doesn't make a difference, you throw a starfish back and say, it makes a difference for that one. Here is my concern, are we doing ministry where we throw the starfish back and it never makes it to the ocean? If so, then we are doing more harm than good because of the damage of the impact to the starfish and the potential to offer false hope as opposed to real hope. Think about it.

Now some may think this is only an effort to raise awareness or money for what we do through The Virtual Pew and Mosaic, let me make clear, NOPE! NOT! If someone supports our work, fine, it's GOOD, we will accept it, but my hope and my prayer is that people will contemplate this not for the purpose of giving money but instead for the way WE do ministry, now that would be, GREAT! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elyITjtiUUc

The Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by the kind contributions of others. You can click on the donate button below to give any amount to this work that does so much more than just post articles on the net; I draw no ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita which is predominantly a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount you can contribute to help with this ministry.  Believe me there is much more going on than most realize.  I will also provide information to verify the ministry and income that comes into this ministry and work.  Thanks and feel free to share any material from The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to the original site with the material is provided.



Click here to read about, and order the book, The Keystone Kid 

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There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone Kid at mike@furches.orgYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.


Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information
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Wichita Kansas, 67214


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The Christmas Jerk!

 It was a cold morning in Wichita Kansas, but that was typical for Friday November 29th.  The stores were jam packed with shoppers taking advantage of  the Black Friday Sales, the sporting goods stores were no exception. Charley wasn't in the best of moods, this was something his wife used to do, he didn't like crowds, didn't like having to stand in lines and as of late, didn't care much for holidays either. He wasn't unusual in those regards because the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving were hard on a lot of families. It was a season of depression for some and the lack of patience had come about and learned in a fast food society where most everyone was used to getting what they wanted when they wanted.

While the lines and crowds at Parsons Sporting Goods were not nearly as bad as the big box stores like Wal-Mart or Best Buy is was still substantially worse than any other time of the year. Lines were at least 5 customers deep on each of the stores 6 registers and although the store had brought in extra help for the holidays there were short tempers from some customers not getting the help finding things when they needed. Most of the customer service reps were at the end of the line on their nerves from trying to be patient with the customers. After looking through the store longer than he expected for a specific soccer related item Charley finally decided to hunt down a salesperson on the floor.

While the section for soccer wasn't the largest display in the store, it was still busy as soccer was a popular sport in Wichita.  Charlie, in his early sixties, was a little older than most in that department but he was persistent, coming off at times as a jerk. By the time he finally got a clerks attention, one who had been talking to another customer, he didn't come of as just a jerk, he was brash and direct. "Excuse me Miss, I've been in this store for 45 minutes now when can I get some help?"   

Sandra was a young woman who had been raised in a close nit family, she had learned manners but wasn't quite so used to such a direct approach from a customer, especially when she was helping another customer, a young mother looking for some Christmas deals.  "Excuse me sir, I am just about through, if you can wait another couple of minutes I'll be glad to help you." Sandra was shocked at Charlie's response yet kind in her tone.

"I've been waiting for 45 damned minutes lady, how much more to I have to wait."

"I'm sorry sir that you've waited that long I'll be right with you as soon as I am done with this customer,"

Charlie's response was short and to the point, "Dammit!"

Sandra was as she said, helping Charlie within a few moments after helping the young mother. "I'm sorry for your wait sir, but how can I help you?" Sandra for her young 21 years was as polite as anyone could be.

"Well I'm glad someone is sorry, I have things to do."

"Like I said sir, I am sorry but how can I help you?"

"I am looking for anything from the old Wichita Wings, what do you have!" It wasn't as if Charlie
was asking, he was telling Sandra to show him some products, even though the Wings had not been in Wichita since folding in 1992, it was as if Charlie expected to find something from the old franchise.

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have any thing from the old Wings." Sandra responded with kindness. "I don't even think we have anything from the refurbished Wings that was in town the last 2 years before going under."

"Shit!" Charlie responded, "that team left a lifetime mark on this city, what is the hell is it with not providing or having a part of history available!"

"I'm sorry sir, we just don't carry anything like that."

Charlie was starting to turn red from anger now, the pitch of his voice was changing, he was tired of waiting, tired of the crowds, tired of not getting the help he wanted, tired of everything, while gritting his teeth, he stated, "Can you get me your manager please?"

"I can get him sir, but it could take a little while, he is really busy right now with keeping the stock room going with bringing out the needed stock."

"That's what I would expect, a day you should have known that you needed to stay on top of things but instead taking advantage of customers and making sure that all your sales take place. It's all about making a dollar." What Sandra didn't know was Charlie had already been to three sporting goods stores on this crazy hectic morning.  Parsons Sporting Goods was the last hope. 

"I'll be glad to the stock room sir and ask our manager for you, but I can't guarantee anything as to having what you want." Sandra was still a professional, still trying to provide good service. Of course from the exchange up to this point she expected to have her head bitten off, she wasn't far off in her expectation.

"Fine, go check with your damn manager, I've waited this long, if you going speeds up the process I might get home in time for church on Sunday!"

Sandra still polite responded, "Yes sir, I'll be as quick as possible." Ignoring a couple of other customers, she left immediately for the stock room.  It wasn't long before she returned to find Charlie still standing there, his arms crossed and he was staring off  into space with an obvious lack of patience.

"Sir, I spoke to our manager and he stated that we haven't carried any Wings stock for some time but he had a suggestion if you are willing to entertain it."

Charlie still miffed, but somewhat responsive, responded in a blunt way, "Okay what is it, what can you do, what's your suggestion."

"Well sir," Sandra still trying to be polite and calm, stated, "Well sir our manager suggested that while we haven't had any Wings items for some time, we have a new team in town, The B-52's, they have pretty much the same color scheme and we have a pretty good selection of their merchandise. They are a professional team and our manager also suggested a friend of his who has a lot of old Wings merchandise that may be able to help you out, but you will have to call him, but my manager did give me his phone number and contact information."

What happened next surprised Sandra, she didn't know what to think but Charlie was tearing up.  "If you could show me the items please from the new team and get me the name of the person who may have some old Wings merchandise I would appreciate it."

Sandra, still staying professional and calm, "let me walk you over and show you some of the merchandise, and here is the contact information of my managers friend who has the old Wings merchandise."

Charlie looked down at her hand as she handed him the information, he wasn't tearing up now, he was starting to cry, his eyes were red and he kept taking his gloved hand trying to dab the tears as they started to freely fell. "Thank you miss, you have no idea what this is going to mean to me."

Sandra, confused and touched, stated, "Sir that is no problem." Showing a real measure of concern she asked as well, "Are you okay, is there anything I can do?"

"No young lady, you have done quite enough, you don't understand likely and I know I have been an ass. You see my wife and I were huge supporters for the Wings back in the day.  My wife and son were killed in a car accident last year during the Holidays. All I have left is my grandson. Alex will be 10 in January. It was my son's 10th birthday when I purchased him a Wings soccer ball and took him to see his first pro soccer game at the Kansas Coliseum. We saw the Wings play the St. Louis Steamers. It was a heck of a game and my son became a fan for life. I miss him and my wife so much and wanted so much to give my grandson something for Christmas that would help with the loss of his father and grandmother."

Sandra was starting to tear up now, "Sir, I am so sorry, I would have never known, I am so sorry."

"Oh there is nothing to be sorry about young lady, you have gone out of your way, been kind and I so much appreciate it. I think it may be time to move on and I don't think the specific Wings material is necessary for my grandson, the B-52's will be enough to rekindle the spirit, that is what is important, not so much the team. It is the sharing of time together, the love, the memories. I think the B-52's is enough for my grandson, I may even have to take him to a game, but I appreciate the information about the managers friend, it will bring back memories for me while I start new ones with my Grandson, I think his dad and grandma would understand and like that."

"Sure no problem sir, I can do that, let's go look at some of that B-52's merchandise now."

Sandra learned something that day, she realized it as she saw a different man walk out of the store than she had encountered some 30 minutes earlier. She learned it wasn't so much about customer service, she had already been practicing those things, but she learned to always be nice to the customer, one never knew what they were feeling or had experienced. She knew at that moment, there were sometimes good reasons for people to have difficulty during the holidays, it was also a time of year that a lot of people went through extreme and clinical depression. Sandra realized the people mattered, she realized she could do her part by being a  more understanding person. It was after all the time of year that celebrated the birth of the one called The Prince of Peace, it was a time where people came together to give thanks for the blessings in their lives. With so many hurting people, Sandra decided, she would smile more and in her own way, by helping others, experience a different concept of the holidays she hadn't thought of before, loving others unconditionally in the same way God had loved her and others on this planet; unconditionally.

Mark 12:28-34 - 28 One of the teachers of the Law of Moses came up while Jesus and the Sadducees
were arguing. When he heard Jesus give a good answer, he asked him, “What is the most important commandment?”

29 Jesus answered, “The most important one says: ‘People of Israel, you have only one Lord and God. 30 You must love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.’ 31 The second most important commandment says: ‘Love others as much as you love yourself.’ No other commandment is more important than these.”

32 The man replied, “Teacher, you are certainly right to say there is only one God. 33 It is also true that we must love God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and that we must love others as much as we love ourselves. These commandments are more important than all the sacrifices and offerings that we could possibly make.”

34 When Jesus saw that the man had given a sensible answer, he told him, “You are not far from God’s kingdom.” After this, no one dared ask Jesus any more questions.

The following video is also based on a real event that happened in Newton Kansas, just to the north of Wichita.  The themes are the same, think about it, to see the video just click on it, if the video doesn't appear, then click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fKI50MhzVM

The Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by

the kind contributions of others. You can click on the donate button below to

give any amount to this work that does so much more than just post articles on

the net; I draw no ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita

which is predominantly a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount

you can contribute to help with this ministry. 

Believe me there is much more going on than most realize.  I will also provide information to verify the

ministry and income that comes into this ministry and work.  Thanks and feel free to share any material

from The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to

the original site with the material is provided.

Click here to read about, and order the book, The Keystone Kid

Click here to visit the web page The Virtual Pew 

Click here to follow The Virtual Pew on Twitter

Mike Furches on Faceboook.

Click here to visit Mosaic Church where Mike is Pastor

The Keystone Kid/Virtual Pew Message Boards

Click to subscribe to my blog

There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the

archives. You can also contact me for a free audio book link of The Keystone

Kid at mike@furches.orgYou

can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/.

Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs

or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and

by all means, spread the word.Here

is our contact information

The Virtual Pew

1249 N. St. Francis

Wichita Kansas, 67214

Email: mike@furches.org

Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual

Pew

Donations to The Virtual Pew

The Virtual Pew Blog

Personal Furches Web Site

Hollywood Jesus

Reviews With Mike

The Virtual Pew Sermons

The Virtual Pew News

The Virtual Pew Live Radio Web Page

To Subscribe to The Virtual Pew Live Feed