I
married my wife, Mary Jane Erwin Furches on November 20, 1979. It would have
been her mother and father’s 50th wedding anniversary. The initial
plan was to have a joint service, our marriage and their 50th
wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, her mother died the summer prior to the
time we had planned to get married. We faced other challenges though, mainly
some of our families disapproval. They disapproved because my wife was older
than me. That has been a challenge off and on during our years of marriage but
I didn’t expect it to be the brunt of a joke that should have honored her 39
years of teaching as she is set to retire this Thursday from Derby Middle School,
but it was and while some will think there is some aspect of an overreaction
from me, I will state that after 39 years of working with troubled youth in
inner city neighborhoods and schools and teaching special education during most
of that time, out of a love to educate and better the life of children, that
should have been the focus and the reason for celebration before the Derby
School Board and 12 others from the State of Kansas largest school system who
were also retiring and their families recognition dinner on 5/20/12. Simply
put, my wife deserved more than she got without having to be embarrassed before
this group of people. Sure it may have been intended as a harmless comment, I
am sure it was, but even as we left the parking lot another retiree made
comment to us of her being a “cradle robber.” Again, while I don’t think that
she or the person during the presentation meant harm from their comments, they
were still embarrassing and somewhat stung.
I
never liked the term “cradle robber!” I never liked it for a lot of reasons,
one because it implies I had nothing to do with our relationship. Despite
several close friends and doctors telling us we were making a good decision
because of the expectant life span of men and women, (we would normally be
expected to die around the same time) we made the decision to marry for one reason
and really one reason only, we loved each other. While we are polar opposites
in many regards, those who have known us over the years have mentioned about
how good of a couple we are. We have
been together some 35 years now, (we started dating 2 years prior to our
marriage going on 34 years now) had our first child, our daughter Marathana, 2
years after we married, and while our marriage hasn’t been perfect, it has been
worth fighting for and is now stronger than ever. We love each other and anyone
who knows me, knows that if anything, especially if reading our story in my
book The Keystone Kid, they know I fought for her prior to our marriage and if
anything, due to my own circumstances while growing up, was older than my years
in the area of maturity. I’ll be honest,
I take some joy in that many who said it wouldn’t last, can’t help but have to
wonder now, why it has lasted so long, it is simple, a powerful 4-letter word
called L-O-V-E!
As
of late the concept of older women marrying younger men is not so much of a
thing. We live in an age where I like the terminology better; we live in the age,
if you will, of the Cougar. I like that concept better for various reasons, there
has been much written on it and while not perfect, the term is certainly better
than “cradle robber.” I look at it like this, Mary Jane was hot prior to us
getting married and as far as I am concerned, she has maintained her age great
and for me, is still hot. We have put on some weight, age and wrinkles over the
years but I still get turned on when we hold hands and caress each other’s hands
at the movies, other places. I still open the door for her, take her on dates,
we still enjoy our lives together and at the rate of freaking our kids out; we
still enjoy the most intimate of moments together. It’s simple, we still love
each other.
My
wife is a remarkable woman. I don’t want to offend anyone, but for me or anyone
else, a person living out her faith. When we met, even today, she lives out her
faith more than any human being I have ever come into contact with. She loves
God passionately and when I read the Scripture about being a loving wife I
could never point to a better example than she. While we are far from perfect
it is ridiculous, (in a good way,) how Mary Jane has lived out her faith and I really
do know that I am the one who has come out the better due to our friendship and
marriage.
Mary
Jane has sacrificially supported our ministry over the years. I know without a doubt, there is no way the
ministry I have been involved in could have taken place without her support;
from moving time and time again, (over 39 years of teaching she has taught in
approximately 10 schools) to at times, being the primary bread winner of the
family. She left her family which she deeply loved so I would go back to school
to finish my degree, she has done so much, even selling her prized 72 Nova
Super Sport so we could have the funds to move back to Kansas. I could go on
and on with things some would consider small sacrifices but I know, deep down,
were tremendous sacrifices. Why? Because she is in the ministry of doing what
God has called us to do together.
Mary
Jane will continue in ministry, living in our Community House as a House Mother
but also starting up her PartyLite business again and booking me to speak
around the country while she also performs musically. This will all be
secondary to spending time with our grandchildren and children in the twilight
of our years. She has earned that right.
I
guess I could go on, but will leave it at that other than to say, that on
Sunday June 2 from 2 PM – 4 PM we are going to be hosting a celebration of her
years of service and the next step in her journey of life and ministry at our
house, 1249 N. St. Francis Street Wichita KS, 67214. We will provide snacks and I am begging and
pleading, that those who can attend to honor Mary Jane’s contribution to ministry
and teaching for the last 39 years, teaching children and showing them the love
of God while at the same time, bettering their lives. I am asking that people
share this with others, time is short, get the word out. Let people from all of the schools she has taught
over the years know about it, friends, family, people who have supported The
Virtual Pew, the ministries like Mosaic we have been a part of, the Fountain
House Clubhouse world and more where she also had a tremendous role in my work
there. Then there are those at various
churches, Ninth Street Baptist Church in Erwin Tennessee, Calvary Chapel in
Hendersonville North Carolina, United at the Cross in Wichita Kansas, Good News
Christian Fellowship, (Formerly Hillsboro Mennonite Brethren Church,) in Marion
Kansas, Discovery One Fellowship, (Formerly Westport Mennonite Brethren Church
in Tulsa Oklahoma and more. If you can’t
attend, please consider dropping her a note at my email address which I can
print out for her at mikefurches@yahoo.com
or mike@furches.org . If you can attend the
reception it would be so appreciated. I would like the focus to be on her
though, let it be from if at all possible, the students who have known her, her
fellow teachers, her fellow administrators’ family, friends and so forth. Why
am I doing this? Because after 39 years of contribution to teaching and
touching so many, I believe she deserves it. Her contribution and sacrifice to the
children in Kansas, Tennessee, South Carolina and Oklahoma has been remarkable.
Many have gone on to live productive lives. She kept every Christmas ornament
she ever got from any of her students and they still, to this day, decorate our
tree because she values the fact that she had a positive impact as a teacher on
the life of a young person. I think the same could be said of all good
teachers, I just know personally, I have seen few, if any, better and more
loving than Mary Jane.
Again
the address of the event is 1249 North St. Francis, Wichita KS 67214 and you
can email her your thoughts and congratulatory comments regarding her teaching
and ministry experience to me at mikefurches@yahoo.com
or mike@furches.org
The
Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by the kind contributions of
others. You can click on the donate button below to give any amount to this
work that does so much more than just post articles on the net; I draw no
ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita which is predominantly
a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount you can contribute to
help with this ministry. Believe me there is much more going on than most realize.
I will also provide information to verify the ministry and income that comes
into this ministry and work. Thanks and feel free to share any material from
The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to the
original site with the material is provided.
To see a video of Mary Jane singing click on the following video, if the video doesn't appear click on the following link:
Now
for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and
blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they
are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see
newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds
of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for
a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid
at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and
on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase
provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to
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Now
I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short
answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread
the word.Here is our contact information
The
Virtual Pew
1249
N. St. Francis Street
Wichita,
KS 67214
Email:
mike@furches.org
Click
on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew
