Happy Anniversary, 33 Years of Life’s Lessons

Happy Anniversary, 33 Years of Life’s Lessons

Today I celebrate with my wife, 33 years of marriage. I realize that in today’s world that is quite an accomplishment, especially when considering that we have actually been together for around 35 years if you count the time together that we weren’t married. In a world where more than half of all marriages, including the marriages of people of faith end in divorce, I am often asked how we have made our marriage work. There are also assumptions that everything about our marriage has been wonderful and that we have always gotten along.

The truth is, there have been rough spots in our marriage, including parts where I was far from a perfect husband, as if I was ever close. We even separated for a period of time some 10-12 years ago, even contemplated divorce up to the point where we spoke to our children of the likely divorce. No, things have been far from perfect in our relationship.

In the difficulty in our marriage I take full blame for my actions but some will ask what is it that kept us together. The answer is quite simple and almost a cliché, the answer is God.

I will never forget an Easter Sunday when we were separated when I went to visit Mary Jane and the kids at our house in Owasso. I was spending more time away from them and decided a visit on Easter Sunday. I loved my kids despite the difficulty of the relationship with my wife. As was the norm I left my family mid morning to go back to where I was staying. Along the way I was listening to the radio and heard the testimony of I believe Yolanda Adams. On the journey back I heard Yolanda Adams say of how much she had ruined her life and of how she was reminded of her grandmothers’ prayers. While listening to this I was reminded of my own grandmothers’ prayers. I recalled waking up to see my grandmother sitting at the kitchen table, reading her bible, praying, often times praying for me. I couldn’t help but reflect of how I was throwing away my grandmothers prayers in breaking my relationship with my wife. I arrived at the place I was staying, sat down and within an hour from arrival I had written a song called Grandmas’ Prayers. That evening I decided to make my marriage work with my wife.

Many will ask what does this have to do with an Anniversary Celebration. The answer is quite simple; we were willing to work at making our marriage work. We realized that God brought us together and it was worth working at something God had blessed, a relationship of marriage between the two of us. Long story made short, we worked at it and our relationship is stronger now than ever. Is it perfect? No, but last night as we sat on our love seat together, fighting illness and physical pain that comes sometimes with getting older, I told Mary Jane, “we will be married until either one of us dies or we both die together.” She affirmed that to be the case, we realize our relationship with each other is for life. Now how all of that plays into the eternal, I honestly can’t say, I can say that I hope the two of us becoming one in marriage is something that lasts for all of eternity. We love each other and on that there is no doubt. In that love though, we have learned lessons others can I think, if willing learn from.

One of the things I have become convinced of is that many don’t take seriously the relationships they are involved in. There is a difference between a dating relationship and a life committal relationship, I for one value the commitment we made to each other. We took our vows seriously and thankfully we have seriously worked at keeping them. I will also say, that for me, there has been nothing better than a monogamous relationship of which I can experience the joy of sharing life together with a mate, along side our walk with God. What I will say here will shock many, but the greatest shared joy in life we have is our faith. Our faith in God is without a doubt the secret to our long term relationship, joy, and hope for tomorrow. I can not imagine two people sharing life together where their shared belief in their faith did not exist.

We encourage couples to stay strong through the difficulties. When a shared faith and shared love of that faith exists, then it is possible to fight through and win the battles against the other things that would pull you apart.

Of course in all of this there is the assumption that I am saying people should either get married, or stay married, that isn’t the truth either. There are relationships where God doesn’t exist, there are ongoing abuses and more that may exist. I can’t imagine those types of relationships without God. I can say that with God individuals can overcome any types of relationship but God has to be at the forefront of all of those battles. Otherwise, I don’t know of how likely it is those marriages will succeed. I am also reminded though of the beautiful concepts of singleness which should also be celebrated. I am reminded here of the words from the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1-16.

1) Now I will answer the questions that you asked in your letter. You asked, “Is it best for people not to marry?” 2) Well, having your own husband or wife should keep you from doing something immoral. 3) Husbands and wives should be fair with each other about having sex. 4) A wife belongs to her husband instead of to herself, and a husband belongs to his wife instead of to himself. 5) So don’t refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6) In my opinion that is what should be done, though I don’t know of anything the Lord said about this matter. 7) I wish that all of you were like me, but God has given different gifts to each of us.

8) Here is my advice for people who have never been married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am. 9) But if you don’t have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

10) I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband 11) should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.

12) I don’t know of anything else the Lord said about marriage. All I can do is to give you my own advice. If your wife isn’t a follower of the Lord, but is willing to stay with you, don’t divorce her. 13) If your husband isn’t a follower, but is willing to stay with you, don’t divorce him. 14 Your husband or wife who isn’t a follower is made holy by having you as a mate. This also makes your children holy and keeps them from being unclean in God’s sight.

15) If your husband or wife isn’t a follower of the Lord and decides to divorce you, then you should agree to it. You are no longer bound to that person. After all, God chose you and wants you to live at peace. 16) And besides, how do you know if you will be able to save your husband or wife who isn’t a follower?

The bottom line is this, to have been married to the same person now for 33 years is a rather remarkable event. Many doubted our marriage from the get go, there was the age difference, the difference in taste, even her dad calling me a bum when Mary Jane told him we were going to get married. We overcame though, I think to the point where now, many in our family recognize the love we have for each other, to the point that Mary Jane’s dad Ed was among the first to encourage us to follow God’s call in our life. There are our two wonderful children, Marathana and Nathan and other additions including a wonderful son in law named Brett and a daughter in law named Emily. There is also those two incredible grandchildren, Aaliyah our granddaughter and Atticus our grandson.

Is it worth it to fight for this love concept called marriage? You bet it is, I know, as one who almost failed, I have learned the joy of success. I have experienced if for 33 years as of today, and I hope and pray that we will experience it together for all of eternity. That is love, and marriage is a bonding experience of love I celebrate today. Hopefully in my celebration, I have encouraged you to either celebrate your own relationships and to battle if necessary to make your relationships work, or to let you know, that it is perfectly okay to also celebrate your singleness if you are single. God is good all the time, I know because he has blessed me and among the greatest blessings I could experience is to be in a life long union with the most wonderful woman God could have ever blessed me with. For a dumb ol street kid who had nothing in life to look forward to, God has used my wife to bless my life and the ministry we are engaged in but I also have an eternity to look forward to. For that I am grateful to my God, but I am also so grateful for my wonderful soul mate, my wife Mary Jane.

To see the video below, just click on it, if for some reason the video doesn’t appear or is distorted or not in full frame, click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2Dna8dffc4
The Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by the kind contributions of others. You can click on the donate button below to give any amount to this work that does so much more than just post articles on the net; I draw no ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita which is predominantly a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount you can contribute to help with this ministry. Believe me there is much more going on than most realize. I will also provide information to verify the ministry and income that comes into this ministry and work. Thanks and feel free to share any material from The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to the original site with the material is provided.

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Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

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I Am Lonely, Can We Walk Together?

Sometimes I feel as if I have little value or I haven’t really accomplished much. Years ago I watched an episode of Little House on the Prairie and remember Michael Landon’s character talking about the need to leave something behind that would last beyond his lifetime as he created quality furniture. I thought at the time, “Right on!” We all want to be remembered, but the question becomes, what will we be remembered for if we are remembered at all?

I have had a number of epiphany moments as I have gotten older. An epiphany moment is a moment in life where a light bulb goes off, an “OH Yeah, I never saw that before,” moment. I am sure others have had them and if you haven’t, well, you probably need to do a self examination of your attitude. One of the moments I have come to realize, especially when looking at agencies, organizations, churches, individuals who seem to have all of the luck, get all of the money, have all of the people but in reality, do very little for the poor, the needy, the orphan and the widow, (the population groups God COMMANDS us to serve) is that, I just can’t do it all, and frankly, there are some things I suck at. If one needs a business man to solicit funds, to kiss someone’s rear and make them feel good, I am not the guy for that. It is a part of my environment, my surroundings, I am who God made me to be but I am not in my nature a butt kisser. My nature is to be straight forward, to the point and direct. That doesn’t mean I don’t care, I actually hate confrontation, but as hard as it is, truth is always more valuable than good feelings. I have seen the benefits of that attitude, I have seen the disadvantages. The Bible talks about the different gifts, temperament, attitudes we all have. We are who God made us, that don’t mean we take on and embrace the negatives but what is negative and what is a God given character and gifts can be debated.

I am concerned, we live in a society where we honor some people, some institutions, some concepts based on what we like not on what is from God. While there is a natural tendency to do that, I am convinced our support should be measured in what is being done that is based on Biblical concepts. The bottom line is, are we doing what God commands? Are the things we are supporting, the things God has ordained? It isn’t just as Keith Green used to say, a matter of giving money, it is a matter of giving yourself, your time and your pocket book.

As I have grown older, I have found benefit in understanding my own limitation but, it is also at times frustrating because I know there are often things that need to be done, can be done in a better way than I can do it but aren’t because I need people to walk with me. To see others suffer because of my ineffectiveness hurts.

We live in a time where we are in need of each other more than we sometimes like to admit. The Bible uses the analogy that we are” a body with many parts.” Each part has a specific purpose, to be used in a specific way for various functions. God understands that we need to work together to accomplish His work, unfortunately working together is a concept many have lost in an era where the focus is on self. We like to do things our way, in our own time, without sacrifice and effort. Kind of strange when we consider that the Bible speaks favorably of those who go through difficulty and sacrifice. We all seem to want the credit, as if we were the ones who deserve it.

In the brick and mortar church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita, we frequently say, God is good, all the time, and all of the time, God is good. Problems occur for us when we think we are the ones doing good. I will forever appreciate my love of Flannery O’Connor and the understanding of her work as taught me by Bev Holmskog. The reading, contemplation of the story A Good Man is Hard To Find, especially in contemplation with the Bible passage that states ‘There are none good, no, none but one,” along with the concepts of people wanting the credit and glory for everything is not lost on me.

In many church planning classes, seminary and or other ministry training programs, the research clearly shows, the way to grow a church is based on what people get out of it, not on what that body is doing based on Scriptural concepts. It is more about if I feel good than whether or not am I being challenged to do what God expects. The bottom line, and I challenge anyone to prove me and show me wrong, the body of Christ, the Church, is to be about doing ministry and sharing the Gospel, as a priority in that is ministry to and involving the poor, needy, orphan, widow and those who are hurting, for whatever reasons. Show me a church in the New Testament that did not take on and do this work seriously. The authors of scripture praise the work and all of scripture is breathed and inspired by the Holy Spirit.

The question for all Christ Followers is this, are we willing to sacrificially, if need be, do the things God has commanded us to do? Is this a point of priority, love, compassion, and mercy to the poor and needy, orphan, widow and the hurting? We all need to seriously look at whether or not our relationship with Christ is real? We need to evaluate our actions. The Bible says we will know who real followers of Jesus are based on two things, 1) Who do we say He is regarding His life, death and resurrection, and 2) Do we do the things He has commanded us to do. A part of the answer, I believe, to number one is the realization that Jesus had a deep and passionate love for sinners, also, the poor, hurting, outcast and so forth. In regards to the answer to number two, some speculate that the Bible speaks of serving, loving, redeeming, providing for, helping the poor some 2,000 or more times. If the Bible talks about something once, I believe it makes it important, imagine if it talks about things some 2,000 times? If taking Jesus and our walk with Him seriously, shouldn’t we be about doing and supporting the serious work of Jesus? Is it easy? Heck no, if it was Jesus would have never told us to ‘take up our cross and follow him daily.” But you know what, that is exactly what he told us to do, knowing full well what the cross implied.

Unfortunately many of us want something out of Christianity and we just aren’t getting it, some have quit for this reason. Maybe we don’t get what we want; don’t experience the relationship with Jesus He wants for us, including having joy in difficult times, because we aren’t doing our part. While we are saved by faith alone, we can’t deny or walk away from the words of James, Jesus brother, when he said “faith without works is dead.” Neither can we rationally ignore or explain away the words of Jesus when he says “what we have done for the least of these we have done for me.” This is especially true when you see that those considered lambs, worthy to spend eternity in Heaven is based on what one is willing to do.

I realize I am so far from perfect it is ridiculous. I also realize there is a journey I am on, a journey called life. Through it, I want to become as much like Jesus as possible. Unfortunately, the closer I get to Jesus, the more I realize I am further away than I should to be. I need my brothers and sisters in my faith to walk along side me, help me, work together to accomplish more. I want this thing called The Family of God to really be a family. I can’t do it alone; if we are honest about it, we will realize, none of us can.

To see the video below, just click on it, if for some reason the video doesn’t appear or is distorted or not in full frame, click on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Oiu9jW-VyE

The Virtual Pew and our other work is supported solely by the kind contributions of others. You can click on the donate button below to give any amount to this work that does so much more than just post articles on the net; I draw no ongoing salary from the church I pastor, Mosaic Wichita which is predominantly a homeless church; I am grateful for any small amount you can contribute to help with this ministry. Believe me there is much more going on than most realize. I will also provide information to verify the ministry and income that comes into this ministry and work. Thanks and feel free to share any material from The Virtual Pew, I only ask that appropriate credit is given and a link to the original site with the material is provided.

Click here to read about, and order the book, The Keystone Kid

Click here to visit the web page The Virtual Pew 

Click here to follow The Virtual Pew on Twitter

Mike Furches on Faceboook.

Click here to visit Mosaic Church where Mike is Pastor

The Keystone Kid/Virtual Pew Message Boards

Click here for booking information to have Pastor Mike come speak or perform, from speaking to music or magic, something for all groups.

Click to visit with Pastor Mike regarding any of your needs. He will respond to each request personally, and if need be refer you to one of our other pastors.

Click to subscribe to my blog

Click to visit and join our sister group at MySpace Hollywood Jesus.

Now for those that do not know, make sure you check out the numerous articles and blogs by checking out the archives. If visiting The Virtual Pew or MySpace they are archived on the left hand side of the page. Scroll down to where you see newer or older listed under archives and then click there. There are hundreds of postings so make sure to check out the archives. You can also contact me for a free e-book pre edit version of The Keystone Kid at mike@thevirtualpew.comYou can visit http://www.thevirtualpew.com/ and on the front page down on the left side you sill see our store. Your purchase provides needed funds to The Virtual Pew. If you do not see something to purchase you can click on the search engine, (do not put anything in the search box at this time). You will be taken to Amazon where you can search for anything you desire. Hopefully you will consider a gift to The Virtual Pew.

Now I get asked this quite often, Can we repost your blogs or articles? The short answer to that is, what an honor that you would ask, and by all means, spread the word.Here is our contact information

The Virtual Pew
6441 N. Hydraulic
Park City Kansas, 67219

Email: mike@furches.org

Click on the following links to learn more about The Virtual Pew

Donations to The Virtual Pew

The Virtual Pew Blog

Personal Furches Web Site

Mary Jane Furches MySpace Page

Mike Furches MySpace Page

Mike Furches MySpace Blog

Hollywood Jesus

Reviews With Mike

The Virtual Pew Sermons

The Virtual Pew News

MySpace Hollywood Jesus Group

MySpace The Virtual Pew Group

The Virtual Pew Live Radio Web Page

To Subscribe to The Virtual Pew Live Feed