Ephesians 5:25 ~ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Over the years I’ve done several weddings as a pastor.
Of course, I’ve only been a part of one wedding. The wedding to my late wife of
over 40 years. But here I am, at a new place, a place where I am once again engaged
to a beautiful Godly woman to be married. As a result, I find myself back at
the place seeking reminders not for others but for myself. In that reminder I
am reminded of the admonition to love my wife in the same way Jesus loved the
church, called his bride, and of my need to be willing to give myself up for my
bride in the same way that Christ loved and gave himself up for his bride. Of course, I could speak about the role of
women as well, I’ve counseled women as to their obligations but I am seeking wisdom
for my obligations as a husband, my own reminder. If I was to say anything
about the relationship between a woman and a man engaged in marriage, I would use
the following verse to apply for both of them.
1 Peter 4:8 - Above all, keep loving one another
earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Of course, the question from the passage out of 1
Peter for me is how does on keep on loving the other? I have seen so many times the love that
exists early on, often called puppy love, but over time that love becomes less
active, and in some ways, even stagnate. Truth is, for me, in my first marriage
that was never a problem except a brief 6-month period or so. I was working way
too many hours, and, in those days, I spent less time with my late wife and she
therefore as a matter of consequence, less time with me. My eyes and heart
begin to stray, and mistakes were made. As a result, my wife and I almost
divorced. It was so serious that we even spoke to our two children about the inevitable
reality that we were looking at and strongly considering divorce. Thankfully God
opened my eyes and I made the commitment to spend less time working. It
involved less time at the office and less time at work. I’ll never forget my
children correcting me and telling me that I was still working on the computer
at home. As a result, I set a schedule that I would not take work home with me and
when I worked out of the home, that I would not work later than 5:30 PM, of
course there were times I broke that rule but it was very rare that I did. My
family noticed and our love and family as a result grew.
On this point there was also two other things I did
and maintained over the course of my early marriage and will so in my upcoming
marriage. I always opened the door for my wife, and I maintained a weekly
dating relationship and vacations together. It is imperative that couples find
time away with no distractions for time together, on a weekly basis at least 2
days a week, and on an annual basis I think a minimum of 2 weeks a year. In my
new relationship with my new bride this is going to be critical. Not having
children that we are raising, that time together is imperative, but then again,
it is imperative for any couple if they want their love and marriage to
succeed.
Proverbs 31:10 - An excellent wife who can find? She
is far more precious than jewels.
An honest man will recognize the importance of his
wife, and he, and she will learn, that she is indeed more important than
anything. More important than money, investments, time, everything. It is an
amazing thing about the love that God can bless between a man and a woman. Of course, there is an expectation that the
wife is a good wife, Proverbs even calls her an “excellent wife.” That takes work, but work from both parties. In
that work, the most valuable thing possible between two people happens, a love
where the two, really do, become one.
Of course there are aspects that many, even those in
the church have taken out of context and not looked at in totality. The following passage from Ephesians is
likely the single passage taken the most out of context, especially the initial
instructions to the wife.
Ephesians 5:22-33 - Wives, submit yourselves to your
own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as
the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water
through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without
stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same
way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed
and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of
his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but
I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must
love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
After reading in context, I always point out that the
greater responsibility in the relationship falls on the man as opposed to the
woman. The main thing I think to take into consideration is the reality that each
party, the husband, and the wife, have obligations and responsibilities to each
other. It isn’t about being a solo party in a wedding or relationship, it is
about being in it together. The moment one gets more into themselves and their
needs than they do the needs of the couple that has become one, the marriage is
set up for failure. Marriage is an ordained thing from God. To go outside the
design and desire of God is one way to make sure we don’t experience the true
totality of the beauty that can come about from God joining two people
together. On that point is a good reminder though, God is the one that joins
the two together, and God alone. Of course, sometimes mistakes can be made and
marriage misunderstood. In those mistakes, don’t expect to receive the beauty
and benefits that God assures if marriage and relationship is done right. I
think few things exemplify or illustrates that last point more than the last
verse in this posting.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - Two are better than one, because
they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his
fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift
him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm
alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will
withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
If thinking in the context of marriage and
relationship, we can see this verse is often taken out of context. We need to
realize, the beauty of two working together in their relationship, in their
marriage, is a strength and bond that provides multiple benefits.
In closing, I am working on my new relationship. I
have honestly never wanted anything so much. I so love the woman I am engaged
to be married. I want it to work so much. I had a great marriage with my late
wife, but I want this marriage to be stronger, to be better. Why? Because I
think God expects growth. I hopefully have learned enough to make our marriage
better on my part and have learned from the mistakes so I can be a better
husband.
There is one last thing I know, I know for a fact, that if others take these
passages seriously, seek and pray about the Holy Spirit leading them that they
are far more likely to succeed in their marriage and relationships. I know that for me, I want the love I
experienced to be magnified, heck, in many ways, I need it more than ever, so
for me, I’m praying, applying, and asking the Holy Spirit to walk alongside me
and my bride to be each step of the journey.
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